The Water's Edge.

I don't know who it was that came up with the idea that at the mere age of eighteen years and nine months (and three days...) one must feel the burden of one's entire life weighing on one or two decisions.

Insane.

And, as usual, I'm probably making this more dramatic that necessary. Ironic, as I dislike drama.

I wish I could just know. A glimpse, perhaps, into the future. I sometimes don't like the "trial of your faith" principle. I believe it, but I don't want to screw up and then really not know what to do. How did any of the adults I know get to where they are? How did you know what you chose was what you really and truly wanted to do?

What if I've idealized it so much that soon I find I don't want to do it? Yes, I find the physiology part fascinating...but the chemistry? Not so much.

It just seems that the end is never in sight. I thought I was there when I reached college. But alas, I must apply for a new program after taking pre reqs that don't help very much. If anything, only cause frustration. It is like I'm so close, but so far away, as I will probably have to wait another semester to reapply. I cannot keep doing this. I don't want to think about how much time I have wasted come choosing a new major or something.

Whatever...I'm so sick of always going through this cycle. It is ridiculous. What I need is to take a class on something that all of a sudden I don't know how I ever thought of being anything else. Sad, but that hasn't happened yet. Problem? I don't know.

Fact: What does make me happy, however, is my organized closet and color coordinated shirts.

Blackgreybrownwhiterediespurpliespinkiesorangiesbluegreen
Dresses, skirts, shirts, pants, sweatshirts, jackets. It is a beautiful system.

Fact: it costs 66,000 dollars to train one nurse.
Fact: a student will pay (at BYU, at least) only (ha, only) 11,000! ONE SIXTH! That is disgusting. Why does money make everything so complicated? Who thought of money? Stupid stupid idea.

Fact: I have many guilty feelings....I've eated so-ho much candy this week. Sick.

Fact: Vitamin water XXX acia-blueberry-pomegranate is my newest love. DElicious. Absolutely.

Fact: I ought be doing something more productive than this.

3 comments:

Doctor T said...

The end is only a new begining. In 50 years do you want to look back on your life and ask yourself:"What would have happened if I had gotten in the car". The harder something is to acheive the more you appreciatre it. You are too strong to stop at the first hurdle. Look on the Bright side at least you didn't hit a Police car the first day you had your drivers license.
LOVE YA GPR

Amanda said...

Hey I infer a transformers fan....I love it!

Katya said...

Hmmm there are so many things I could say to this, but we've already discussed them...hehe you're amazing and the BYU nursing program would be incredibly stupid not to take you in. Good luck! :)