goodbye winter, hello summer

All the hot girls live in Bowen 11....

This is the artsy "we're better than you" pose...

Prec...


Throw It Up In The Spotlight...


This is the artsy "we're better than you" pose...
Prec...
um...not so precious? What nice teeth...ha. 

After we made our ghetto brownies that were, in fact, delicious.

Dave was showing me how his facial hair looks (and he just got back from camping)

A Little's Enough

Our loot...heh heh heh...(I took the curlers back because they didn't work...)


(Sorry Suzy...I kept the embarrassing pictures to a minimum. :) )

I think I'm going to get used to this newness I feel. Here is a list (sorry Suzy...it's close) of things about this last week:

1. I remembered today how nice it was to not have class to worry about...especially that it's getting warm

2. Yesterday and today's weather was simply marvelous...and I'll be stuck inside most my days for the next few weeks.

3. I forgot what a language class is...lots of interaction with classmates...I think I prefer other sorts of classes because you can stay invisible. I feel ridiculous saying foreign phrases when other people can hear me. A German accent is rather hard to get used to (especially when you're trying to forget Spanish pronunciation...(Dave...)). But I'm excited. It will be a challenge, but I'm up to it. I'd better be. It was totally and completely my idea to take this class.

4. I am grateful, so grateful, for my parents. (Even when they worry if they don't hear from me for one day :) )

5. I really miss my roommates! I don't have a roommate yet, and I don't actually know if I'll get one. That will be nice if I come in late I don't have to feel bad, and some things are easier...and sometimes it's nice to not have to be considerate of others (selfishly horrible, I know...). I don't really know what it's like to have a room roommate you don't know...but I hope it'd be something like you find a friend who wants to hang out with you because you're their roommate....so hopefully...that's how it goes. And if I don't get a roommate, that's totally fine too. But I am glad that my other roommates moved in. They are really cool and even though I haven't really spent a lot of time with them, I'm sure we'll be good friends.

6. I love being outside, feeling the sun, seeing green green grass, smelling flowers, walking with Dave to work...you know...those little things that make life lovely. There are so many seemingly unimportant things in life...but I'm so glad they are there!

7. I miss Katya. The end. She is such a good friend, and I miss all our fun times. More to come though....four more months. Ack. Well, okay, it's not like I won't see her, but it's better when you live together! I miss good ol' times in Bowen 11. Whoo!

8. People are almost eerily nice here...and it's real. And I think it's weird. I feel like it's high school. I'm glad people are nice though. It could be worse (oh, it was). I also will be part of a dinner group. Wish me luck with that because I think I don't want to...but I ought to. So I shall.
And I was super annoyed because I thought my blog was deleted and then I remembered the amazing autosave feature and am strangely grateful for it...because now you dear readers get the real thing. And I'm really proud because I made the TV work...almost all by me onesie.

Anyways...whoo. That's the update for now.

Dream the Day

Laser tag!
Oh, ignore the water spot on my shirt. I am not that retarded...usually...
Sexy ladies...
Whoo!

I can't decide how to start...it could be a list of things that stink about the move, the apartment, and life in general....but today we learned about gratitude, so I ought not begin that list. I'll suffice it to say, and my mom can concur, that my apartment was filthy when I moved in, and last night I was scared to go to sleep (well, not really....but bugs! Who knows what's in my apartment...), I've been alone in the apt since last night (okay, not that long), and I can't figure out the Internet. So I, breathing harder than I will admit to, went up to campus where I know you can get wireless. Those stairs will either kill me or give me a nice butt. We'll have to see in a few weeks. (ha ha ha....)

Thank you mom, for all your help yesterday. And dad too. But my mom mopped my floor (on her hands and knees). What a cool mom!

Anyways, people are really nice and that is sort of a new concept for me...but we'll see how it goes. I'm still in the mode of not being friends with my ward...but I guess that since my friends, for the most part (except one...I guess...) are all moved away, I will have to be social. Which, I like to be, don't get me wrong...but I'm not really here for anything (in fact, when the bishop asked why I thought the Lord brought me to this ward I said "to renew my faith in BYU wards...") So, we'll see. Right now though, I still feel a bit overwhelmed. I guess I should find a better attitude of why I'm here: it's more convenient that living at home right now...

I keep bracing myself for horrible grades every time I check routeY but so far, there is still only one grade up. Which I kind of prefer. I guess I'll need to know soon that I passed chemistry...but otherwise I don't really want to know.

Well, I was sick of the monotony, but now I think I'd like to be in Bowen 11 with my roomies that I miss....watching a movie or something. Oh, my church today started at 8:30. AM, don't get confused. Holy crap that is early! It was nice though, and will be. I can take a nap and wake up and I still have some day left...

And these are the random musings of my mind. Oh, and last night I went to Dave's aunt's house for a barbecue of sorts and it was a lot of fun. I jumped the gun for shorts weather, but they believe in blankets...so it was good. Delicious food and good company...and Dave didn't get lost in a canyon down in the Zion area, so that I can add to the grateful list. :) Afterwords we went and saw "The Bucket List" and it was so good (even though I predicted the ending). I can pretty much identify with having a bucket list, because I do...I'm just not dying so I don't have to do it all right now.

Bucket List:
1. Sky dive.
2. Bungee Jump.
3. Hold a panda bear (that might be illegal...so I might have to wait until I die...).
4. Go to Suiza, Italy, Germany....
5. Live back east for a while.
6. Learn German and Italian.
7. See a sunset that is breathtaking (I've seen ones that are incredible...but...)
8. Parasail
9. 20 concerts before I'm 20 (ha ha, I'm so cool...)
10. Accomplish something truly amazing (to me).

That's not all, but those are the uber adventurous ones.

I'm almost worried people will think I'm unrighteous because I'm typing on a computer in the BNSN building...on a Sunday. Oooooh.

Save Tonight

I never thought I find myself on my knees getting scuff marks off the floor with a spoon. But yep, you guessed it. You could have found me doing that today. (It acutally works amazingly well....I shall keep that stored away for future use). I don't think I liked today. I was exhausted and felt very annoyed at my lot of cleaning for the apt. Oh well, it will soon be over. I just want it to be this time tomorrow so I can be almost done unpacking. Then again, I just got all my stuff in boxes. Why in the world would, less than 48 hours later, I unpack it all? Stupid.

Today was full of good-byes and I didn't like it. I miss my roommates. I am very glad Suzy is here because originally it would have been me alone here tonight. Which I probably wouldn't've minded, to tell the truth....but I think with me close to breaking down from the stress of moving, school, good-byes...it's nice to have some company.

Hopefully my theory of "everything will come together in the morning because I'll be done for good (for the day) with it" will work. I have all this "misc" stuff that I just want to disappear and I'll find it later this week.

We went laser tagging last night (pictures to come). Mind you it was on "regulars" night...a fact Katie conveniently forgot to tell us. So pretty much we got pwned. However, out of 21, I got 13. Which I think, frankly, is a miracle of some sorts. I've never been laser tagging where I wasn't last or second to last. But there were three people at least that I hit twice as much as they hit me. And I gave way more than I took. I beat boys...boys! Boys have shooting accurately programmed into their genes, I'm pretty sure. I have freaking sore legs and I ran into some walls...so I'm kind of banged up. But...it was a blast! The only problem I have is the people who find you and shoot you point blank range...who does that? Anyone can shoot anyone (well, most of the time) from a foot away. Boring! Cheating! Lame! This game is about running and pretending you're in an action movie...which involves strategy and Noah yelling "ALPHA FORMATION" and other random phrases at the top of his lungs as we storm the bridge. It was awesome.

Well tonight is the last one in Bowen 11. Last time I walked home from work to this apt. Last time....of lots of things. Oh well. Suzy and I had a great adventure (pictures to follow...)

My life will never go back to the way it was before (he he, thank you office...)

Car Crash

I'm wide awake and so alive, ringing like a bell
Tell me this is paradise, and not some place I fell
Cause I keep on falling down....

I want to feel a car crash
I want to feel it capsize
I want to feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
Until I'm satisfied

I want to feel a car crash, cause I'm dying on the inside
I want to let go and know I'll be alright...

Push me 'til I have to fly
I've shed my skin, my scars
Take me deep out past the lights
Where, where nothing dims these stars
Nothing dims these stars...
I want to feel a car crash
I want to feel it capsize
I want to feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
Until I'm satisfied

I want to feel a car crash, cause I'm dying on the inside
I want to let go and know I'll be alright...

So right

So long

I'm wide awake and so alive...

I want to let go and know I'll be alright
So open wide...so wide....so wide...

(This is not a jinx on myself. It's a really good song).

The Waiting is the Hardest Part to Take...



Well, I now can check one thing off my to-do list for the day. The list looked like this:

1. Sleep.
2. Pack.

Well, Suzy and I slept until 11:30, and rested sufficiently until 12:15. We did, however, go to bed at like 2:30 or 3. Oh well. We put our mattresses in the living room and had a big sleepover. It was fun.


This is Kristen and I waiting patiently for our prince charming to come....

Then not so patiently....
Um....disaster zone? (actually most of this is Katie's....it was so we could move her mattress...)

Whoo! Our last hurrah...

Then today we just packed and it was annoying because the more you tried to pack, the more stuff accumulated with no where to go. I swear...and it's only going to get worse!! I suppose I could change out of my pajamas...(don't worry, I just recently changed into them to take a nap (yes....a nap)...most the day I was found in athletic shorts....so...)

In conclusion, I don't know how what doesn't look like a lot of stuff can be so much stuff. I don't have that many things anyways....I'm just one person. Oh well. The fun only continues tomorrow though, so...whoo.

And however finals went or didn't go, I am done! And hopefully I won't have disgraced my parents too badly.

Today I found the chapstick I've been looking for for a month at least...in a drawer. I mean, it's been two feet away from me this whole time! I also found four empty chapsticks in my drawer. Oh goodness.



Mercy

I've been thinking about change a lot lately, as this week commences one of the biggest changes I will have made in my life thus far. Dave and I have talked about it briefly, as have Katie, Kristen and I. I love quotes, and wanted to find some good ones on fear, as sometimes I think I mix up my worries for fear. Here are some good ones I found:

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. -Marie Curie

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. -Mary Manin Morrissey

Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. -Brendan Francis

The fear of failure must never be a reason not to try something. -Frederick Smith

Courage is not the absense of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. -Ambrose Redmoon

One of my favorite books is Bloomability by Sharon Creech (we'll just bypass the fact that most my favorite books are of a fourth grade reading level...). This books is the reason that I want to go to Switzerland. I learned a lot from this book, even when I was only 12. It talks about fear and struggles...to living and learning that anything is bloomable (possible).

I think sometimes we're just meant to struggle. Struggling is different from drowning, after all. A few struggles will make you stronger. A few changes...well that will make you better. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. So I became unscared a few months ago...and I realize that what happens, happens. That doesn't mean I won't work for it, but there is no way I can do all I can. "All I can"...we're supposed to reach that point, aren't we? We can't though. Sure, I could spend 12 hours a day studying, but I can't. I seriously, and honestly can't. And I wouldn't do that anyway. That is the human part of me. The selfish I-want-to-do-nothing-and-watch-tv-sometimes part of me. But that would be literally doing all that I could do. I cannot say that I deserve anything that I have, since I rarely do "all that I can do". I try, of course, but I fall short often enough to know that I must stay on my knees sometimes. I worry, yes, but I am not afraid. I worry that I won't get in the Nursing program. But instead of delaying my first attempt until I have a better GPA, I'm just going to do it. I'm not saying I think I can faith my way into it, but like I said...what happens is meant to happen. I think that sure, I could have gotten better grades had I not worked this semester. There is no way to know for sure, since it's not like I got a 4.0 the first semester...but I think that college is about more than academics. And I think I got the better end of the deal. I also am further in my progression to be autonomous.

My other favorite book, The Truth About Forever, has a quote that I have loved for a few years.

Don't be afraid. Be alive.
Now I don't do every crazy idea that pops in my head, but I try to live life to its fullest. Sure, there are things that I can't do because of where I live or things like that. A lot of the things that I want to have in my lived life are things I can't do for at least a year : Washington, Boston, Switzerland. I can't really do much about those things right now. Except I am taking German this spring? Why? It puts me a little bit closer to a dream of mine. So those crazy things I do sometimes? Sprinkler running, painting with finger paints, rolling down hills, sardines in the library, mud wrestling, roller coaster riding, and adding things like bungee jumping and sky diving to the list...I think that this part of me, the dream big and be spontaneous part, is a big part of me. I don't think I'd have it any other way.

You may laugh and say I'll never make it to Switzerland or do that internship...but that will only push me harder.

I may downfall (Bloomablity lingo here) a few times, but I think I'll make it.

Globes & Maps

Katie, Kristen, Suzy and I felt a bit heartless today because weren't sobbing today as we left church. Don't get me wrong. I've made a few (pathetic, I know) friends here, and sure, sure, I'll miss them...but you know what? I wasn't that impressed with the clique-ness of our ward AND the "I'm so spiritual because I have a calling and blah blah blah" attitude displayed by some. Oh, and the "I'm all that cause I can sing" thing going on too. Though they did sound good. Anyways. There are a few people who I am glad that I have met! But some, well, I hope they mature on their mission and realize they aren't the only spiritual one at BYU cause they sure need it.

I shouldn't be one to talk. My emotions sometimes are present, sometimes are not. High school? Haven't looked back since the day I graduated. I seriously think not one tear was shed for the loss of some friends. I knew if they were important to me, I'd see them again. However, I did shed tears over the end of the week at EFY. Why then and not at graduation or the end of a ward? I think perhaps (now, I'm sure you're all looking for the analysis of why I didn't cry today) it is because in high school and this ward, I had plenty of time with the people I was randomly assigned (or, maybe not so "randomly") to interact with. 8 months, as much as 5 years...I saw these people in many settings, and sometimes just wasn't impressed enough to care. EFY, however...(well, looking back it was over-rated) was one week full of interesting people from all over the country (and globe) that you spend pretty much every minutes of every day with....for five days. Then you leave. It could also be the maturity level of me, too. I was merely sixteen...then eighteen, then nineteen.

That theory has flaws as well, because the older I get, the harder I cry over Charly and The Joseph Smith Movie. Maybe though, that is maturity, because I understand a bit more of what those movies are dealing with. I don't know. I am a girl, so I do have a right to have unpredictable emotions. Yes? Yes.

Anyways, I really liked my bishopric, I did. The thing is, I wasn't one of the ones called to a big calling or one who was really loud or whatever...so I didn't get to know them. It is partially my fault. Now I've never been a bishop, and never will be. I have yet to have a calling where I truly feel love for people I don't know; what's more, feel actual Christ-like love for someone I don't know. So maybe I believe the bishopric and the relief society president when they say how much they love each and every one of us and how much we (and even I, Amanda Bench) have impacted their lives. Who is to say but them? I understand that they love me, and maybe know me...but I doubt I've touched their lives...unless they took notes during my talk. Which I doubt they did. All I know, though, is that last week Suzy and I called each other Sarah and Amber and the 1st councilor started storing Amber away in his memory as I walked away (it was hilarious. I promise, none of this is bitterness....I'm just thinking) until Suzy said "Actually, it's Amanda. We were just kidding"....so I mean...how important was I really? Maybe I wasn't meant to be [important] in this ward. And that, dear reader, is oooo-tay.

In contrast, I know it's a bunch of hooey when a ward member gets up on the first Sunday (even the last!) and says how much they love us all, even though they don't know us. Puh-lease. You don't love me, much less know my name. So I don't know why people say that. Maybe I am not spiritual enough, maybe they are jumping on the "spiritual" bandwagon....who knows? I recognize and know by name more people in the ward that ever have said two words to me. I'm not all beat up about it though, in fact, I think I shall even survive. I think that is hilarious. I also don't agree with the "I just love my roommates so so much" part of a testimony (along with other various unimportant shared things..) because that just isn't what a testimony is about. (This isn't meant to be judgemental or anything, again. Just my thoughts). So I apologize to my roomies if they felt slightly left out when I didn't gush that at the end of my talk. I do, in fact, love them. :)

[I love you girls. I even know you, perhaps too well, enough to say it]

There is also a story staring my FHE group, but that is another post perhaps.
I also hate the idea that some people have in their heads that BYU is the only place where you can grow spiritually. Who are you to say that? (Another story, I'm sorry).

So, in closing, I know it's partially my own fault I don't really like the ward as a whole. But partially not. The parties were fun, times were good, but things change, and we'll all be okay.

Ever the Same

I remember in probably third grade, I wore the exact same thing the first and last day of school. I think I do that with a lot of things. Exactness. Things that I can keep the same. Like how the last song I listened to before I turned 17 was "Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard because it says "we were both sixteen and it felt so right..." and you can bet that the last song I'll listen to when I'm 18 will be "Ocean Avenue" by Yellowcard because it says "we were both 18 and it felt so right..."

Now how this is important, I have no idea. I think it's closure. I also am particular about the first song I choose to listen to on January 1st, or June 24th. Or how I keep things forever, that is, forever as in until I have to condense all of my belongings that aren't important for college life (and therefore, probably aren't that important anyway...) into two boxes. I was ruthless. (Much like when Dave and I had a water fight tonight).

And Oh My Gosh. The sound of sprinklers against my window. That was the bane of my existance last semester. (It was such a beautiful warm night tonight. The first one this entire year. It's 60 degrees, and the sun is long gone! I'm very excited for those summer nights). Except I forgot that means sprinkers spraying across the window every 5-7 seconds in a very obnoxious way. At 1 in the morning. Talk about a way to wake a person up. Boo.

Anyway, don't be surprised if I got to church tomorrow in the same outfit that I wore that first Sunday. Except there is not much closure I need from this ward. So...maybe not.

Changless.

Pretty much I feel like most of the last two days were wastes of days. In the last 36 hours, I worked 12 hours. Yes, I know, not that much. However, I only work 20 hours a week. And it's finals week. So those six hours a day I could have been studying, I was working. So I am worried that my tests will suffer because of it. Except I cannot guarantee how much I would have studied had I had the chance. I think I shall start another sentence with so: so pretty much, I don't even know what to think.

I miss the taste of real milk.

I wish I could have been outside today.

I really want to go to a concert sometime again before I die. (That's what it feels like anyway...)

Oh, did you know? People are stupid. I don't want to take finals.

And I'm dreading this week. For more reasons than finals. How about the dramatic change in my life? Ack! I hate change! Except when it's exactly what I want it to be. Though, granted, I can't imagine why this change won't go exactly as planned. Except things never do. I've learned that too. I just want to pass Accounting. And get an A- in PDbio. Oh and be a nurse.

I somewhat apologize. This post was full of wishes and complaints. Oh well. It goes that way sometimes.

Oh, and I hate when people use the church's money for pointless things. Like cookbooks. And laminating things that people won't think twice about, let alone keep. Or binding "ward missionary experiences" or "I believe in Christ". Who keeps these things? I mean, sure a cookbook is awesome, but why should the church pay for it? Go buy one. And ward programs. I mean, they are useless. At least the elaborate ones. Mostly I'm bitter about the cookbooks.

This Is The Countdown.

I have a phobia of multiple choice test answers when more than two in a row have the same answer. It causes this train of thought:

Well of course I have to go back and check and make sure that I know I'm right...and sometimes I will doubt my self and change my answer because why would they put three all in a row that are B? Isn't that so obvious? Isn't that stupid? Why would it be that? Which answer can I change?

In all reality, I don't even know if the teacher remembers the letter answer from the last question...so they probably don't even notice.

Oh but I notice. And it drives me crazy.

And on that note, when they have questions that go like this:

What did Amanda get on her first final?
a. 94%
b. Higher than her midterm at least
c. She didn't look
d. Duh, 100%
e. All of the above
f. A & C
g. More than one of the above.

So the correct answer(s): A and B. But then it is also F and G (it is G because a, b, and f are all right). Well, why would a teacher put more than one of the above if it wasn't true? Wouldn't it be so obvious if they put that and it wasn't it? Wouldn't it therefore be that if they even thought about putting that? (Yes, I know....I'm thinking about this way too much). But who DOES that? And if they DO think about that and know they put five Bs in a row, how rude! Don't they know what that does to a nervous test taker?! It kills them, that's what it does.

G is the right answer. Duh.

One down, three to go. Sweet.

Who We Are

The things I learned my freshman year:

-You can light a q-tip on the stove and use it as a match.
-Freshman wards aren't all they're cracked up to be.
-I do not enjoy visiting teaching. (But I don't think it's all my fault).
-It is possible to live in a space that is as wide as you.
-People are often dumber than they look.
-Some people think they are God's gift to the world.
-People have many opinions about Utah. Usually not positive ones.
-It is possible to have fun without a car.
-It is illegal to throw snowballs in Provo.
-Four strangers can become some of your best friends.
-College is harder than it looks.
-I will never be as good as some people.
-Some people walk rather slowly
-I will never put as much effort into school as some people do.
-You can beat the system...you can ace Book of Mormon.
-It's competetive...you'd better keep running.
-Being stuck in a basement apt can bring many forms of entertainment.
-Being at BYU doesn't mean you get asked on dates.
-Provo is really cold. I'm not sure why I was so oblivious to that before.
-Family is important
-God answers prayers. Maybe not how you'd like it. But He does.
-Grades are subjective opinions (well that was AP bio. I'm trying to remember that).
-Teachers get in trouble when there are too many A grades.
-Not all teachers curve.
-I can pass the flunk out class (and I did).
-The world is a big place. A beautiful, scary, big place.
-My goals are very important to me.
-They talk about marriage a lot.
-A lot of people are married.
-Sleep is overrated...
-It's hard to keep motivation alive when you know you'll never be the best.
-You forget what it's like to have someone make real food for you (thanks padres).
-Your parents are a major influence in your life.
-You can eat poptarts and survive just fine.
-Sometimes you study and you don't do that well. It happens.
-It is unavoidable: you will never get into bed before twelve.
-You really do learn about who you are.
-The way you act at college when no one is making you do anything is pretty much how you'll live your life (seminary lesson, actually. But I see it in action).
-No one is perfect.
-You get hurt sometimes.
-You live and learn.
-Some things just don't matter, and you have to learn to let them go.
-Working is fun, especially when you make really good friends.
-You find a desire to be something that cannot be quenched.
-Mail really does make your day (most of the time).
-Free food is pretty much like gold. (Somewhat literally).
-Quarters are like gold too.
-There are still fake people.
-Some boys are gentleman like and open doors for you, even when they don't know you.
-The library open til 2 sometimes = party!
-You adapt to getting little sleep and having lots of work.
-Saturdays...if only you can make until then.
-You can walk anywhere now. No distance is too far. (Well, I wouldn't walk home or anything).
-There really are nice people.
-You're pretty much a faceless number in classes, unless you speak up everyday. Which is uber annoying
-Some people never shut up in classes.
-Cameras make for much entertainment
-You have to learn to be okay with mediocre. Because sometimes, that's all you get.
-It's like heaven to leave campus sometimes...
-My pet peeves come out...
-Despite what people say and its own weaknesses, I love being here. I really do.
-Sunshine is like fresh air.
-Finals means there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
-Mostly though, you learn about yourself.

I am lucky. I am happy. My life is not perfect, and neither am I. But I'm trying. I'm loved, and I know it. That's a lot more than most people out there. Thank you parents, family, and friends for getting me to where I am today, and for the support you give me. You help me to be the best that I can be.


When You Were Young

I always have thought it would be cool if I went to a school where I had to wear school uniforms...even if it was for only a semester or something. I think it'd be fun to wear a blazer and a tie with a skirt and those sexy long socks...oh well.

It's the language fair today at BYU, and it took me a few minutes of intense thinking while I was wondering what in the world all these high school kids were doing here. If I have to hear another conversation of fourteen/fifteen year olds thinking that girl was "fiiiine" or fight my way out the door because a whole herd of them is blocking the door or see another group of fifteen year olds dressing like they think they are twenty three, I might scream and wonder who schedules anything during reading days. Come on!

I do, however, remember when I came to the language fair...but I swear I wasn't that annoying. I stayed out of everyone's way and didn't try to pick up on college men. Nor did I dress like I was six years older.

That's pretty much it...except classes are done and finals start tomorrow. However, all the big ones aren't until Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday...

Anyone who wants to pack my scattered belongings is welcome to come down. Also, anyone who has the desire to take my finals for me is beckoned as well.

Blackbird.

At the beginning of chapters in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, there are quotes from various artists and of all themes...(such as an Italian proverb: "if you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot"...)

Anyways. There was a snatch of a song in one of the books and I've never forgotten it, even though I've never heard the song (yeah yeah, I don't love Beatles. Blame my parents)

All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

I'm not really sure why I like it so much; it could be for the imagery it evokes.
I picture myself standing on top of a mountain, on a beautiful beach or a breathtaking cliff...having just accomplished something amazing...feet spread apart...feeling the last few rays of sun...breathing air that smells of rain...looking up to the sky...

grateful to be alive.

Leaving Through the Window


Pretty much this week the writers of these comics have not disappointed. They were excellent yesterday.

Two more days of classes!! Then finals....not sure which I prefer. I do wish, however, they could perform brain scans instead of written tests. Those are not a strong point of mine.

(Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking. They probably wouldn't find much the other way either!)

All That Matters

Thank you parents for teaching me the principle of "if you don't ask, then you don't get"!

Today I will begin my last pdbio 305 study objectives. It's on the reproductive system and that's what I'll be learning about Friday and Monday. I feel awkward just reading the questions. I have yet to open the book or go to class. Yikes.



This is before we went and wrecked the boys apt during priesthood. (he he he)

Tonight the office comes back on, and I think scrubs too. I can't remember the last time I was this excited...hmm...WHOO!


Plenty of Paper

Dear Valued Customer,

Yes, we sell paper here. And yes, we also copy things here. I'm sorry, but I don't know what "sure" means when I ask what covers you want. I also don't know what "the best one" means as far as type of color of paper. Not one fiber of my being cares, so why don't you just pick because you're paying for it?

It is not my fault you're not responsible, and it is absolutely not my problem that you come in 10 minutes before your class across campus starts, and you expect us to format your file, print 17 color pages, bind it (while you take a few to figure out your covers), and then ring you up while you throw your credit card in our faces in three minutes max while you yell to all the other five people in your class doing the same thing that "oh my gosh! We're going to be late!" and then laugh hysterically when I ask if you'd like a reciept. My bad.

It's simply not my problem you can't format your own file. I will help you, of course, with what I can. I'm not a computer expert, and that wasn't in the job requirements. When I express my sympathy that we can't help you, that does not open it up for you to say "yeah I wish you guys could too. The other place could". (Or just short of "yes, I think you're incompetent). Well, I'm sorry. Go there then. We will be fine. Besides, I probably wasn't even sorry because you were being a jerk anyway. No sign, anywhere in the entire place, says that "we'll do everything for you! Come in, and we'll design it, format it, and print it...for free!" (Oh...imagine...)

Nope. We don't laminate shirts. Please don't be mad. There are simply some things we cannot do. We're not Kinkos, nor do we claim to be.

I'm sorry you're indecisive, I'm sorry you're kind of a moron, and I'm sorry I'm not a wizard (no really, I am).

In closing, it's just a flyer. Remember that. It probably won't stop the world in its tracks. And nope, sorry. You cannot get your book bounded here. I will bind your book, but I can't bound it. (Readers: that is a direct quote from I don't know how many people "can I get this bounded?")

We're pretty much a bunch of college kids in a place with heat, blades, punches and stupid machines that sometimes just can't do what you want it to. That's just how it goes sometimes. Be a grownup, and please don't get angry at me, as I can not talk to the machine into doing what you want. If you would like to try, be my guest.

Sincerely,

Amanda Marie

P.S. Oh and hard lamination...well....it's harder than soft lamination. And that's pretty much why it's called hard lamination. So next time you ask what's the difference, I will try very hard not to smile as I say "well, the hard is harder."




Undeniable.

Even though I avoid change at all costs, the monotony of my life is beginning to get to me. At least my day from 7-2 is always the same, and so boring.

Monday/Wednesday:
I wake up at 7:20ish, pushing snooze a few times. I shower. Get ready. I've been perfecting my habit of making sure I eat breakfast. I go to class. Have a break before religion. Sometimes I do my shopping. Sometimes I don't really do that much. Religion, chemistry. Break. Work. I like work and usually my evenings vary in activities....though usually my before bed habits are all the same...but I guess there isn't much you can change. You will always wash your face the same way.

Tuesday/Thursday:
(most tuesday I can sleep in later and then do homework). Go to lab at nine. Two freaking hours of unstimulating activities. Break. Chemistry. Aerobics. Work.

Friday:
Two hours of physiology. Break. Chem. Break. Work. Even during my breaks I end up doing almost the same things. I walk the same paths everyday, having become a master at finding the short path. If I had a dollar for everytime I walked through the wilk...same posters, same store, same everything!

I guess you could throw in the breakdowns about nursing, the out of the way walks towards the free food...the walks to the temple where I can forget all of this, the random activities with roommates or breaking up the library boringness by studying with Dave to shake up the mind-numbing habits that a semester will give you.

I am ready for a new schedule...new people that I don't know but still recognize. I am tired of the girls in my pre nursing classes who are really whiny. I want new subjects and new teachers. Different homework and a different apartment. Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful for my ghetto apartment...but I cannot stand this same arrangement of my things in a room that is as wide as me with my arms stretched out.

Interesting, as when I discover a new song I like, I listen to it 50 times in three days over and over...and over....and over. Pretty soon in one week it's already on the top 25 played, and probably in the top five. And I never get sick of it...possibly each time I think it's more beautiful. Then, after the excitement has passed, I discover a new song or decide I've appreciated this song enough that I can go back to the rest of my music.

I have a weakness for key changes and note changes. Powerful choruses and beautiful guitar...complimented with a strong base...causing me to shove my headphones in my ears so I can feel the base in my body.

Mercy by OneRepublic.

This week is almost over, and after two days next week the days will change and I will start new routines, if only for that week and a half, and then I will try a new spring routine. In a new apartment, new roommates (sadness...), a new schedule, new classes and hopefully warm (and somewhat new) weather.

But for now, the carbon dioxide levels in my body increase, diffuse over the blood brain barrier, form bicarbonate, stimulate my DRG, and I inhale.

Decisions, Decisions

Shampoo, mascara, eyeshadow, eye liner, deoderant, journals, hairspray, toothpaste, and razors.

What do these have in common? It takes me twenty minutes minimum to pick the kind that I want. Ridiculous! I am so indecisive. It's not like any of these items will impact my future or change my destiny in the slightest. (Unless today was the day that I'd win a million dollars if I picked the right bottle or someone would offer me something amazing because they smelled a certain something).

However, I have some sort of complex that tells me otherwise.

Bother.



This is the funniest comic I've seen in weeks. SO funny.

Happy Together

Sunday was good...chilled at home with my family and Dave. Thanks family for being on your best behavior...and no thanks to my sisters for fair play...it took me a minute to remember why I woke up and felt like I couldn't move....so sore!

:)




Hopefully this picture doesn't epitomize our day...but probably close.

My favorite thing in the world is when the bottom of my pants get wet from snow.

Not.

Ironic

Katie's comment reminds me of the hilarious, yet somber posters on campus. I can't remember what it was advertising...but they looked something like this:

T

G(oodness)

I

F

And I, for one, am glad that they clarified that they, Brigham Young University, would never put the temptation in front of you to even construe your own possible meanings for the G in TGIF.

Though, while trying to possibly be clever, they just made Katie and I wonder if there are really people who would be angry that the maker of the poster didn't clarify that we aren't thanking Ghandi, Gigi, or Galinda. We are, in fact, thanking goodness.

Because I would definitely write the DU, along with my concerns for the dead fish (the first one, called "senseless killing"), had they not offered me the clean version of that saying. After you read that, read the editorial in response...I'd be so embarrased. (It's a couple down, called "senseless complaining?"

Then, on the first link, read the one at the bottom called "leave baby home"...then read this retort (a few down called "leave laptop home")

Ah, people. ABC family clarified it...I don't think BYU needs to. But hey. I'm not in charge.

I hope these links aren't too confusing. I wish I was as clever as the people who wrote "senseless complaining" and "leave laptop home". Hilarious. Simply brilliant.

Say (All I Need)

Do to well does not mean everything will always turn out well. The key is to remember that faith and obedience are still the answers, even with things go wrong; perhaps especially when things go wrong.
David E. Sorensen

Each of us has more opportunities to do good and be good than we ever use.
Spencer W. Kimball

We owe an eternal debt of gratitude to all of those, past and present, who have given so much of themselves that we might have so much ourselves.
Thomas S. Monson

You are good. But it is not enough to just be good. You must be good for something...the world must be a better place for your presence and the good that is in you must be spread to others.
Gordon B. Hinkley

Brothers and sisters, this gospel is easy to live. All we have to do is stay everlastingly at it.
Hartman Rector, Jr.

The men and women who desire to obtain seats in the Celestial kingdom will find that they must battle every day for this sacred goal.
Brigham Young

Victories in life come through our ability to work around and over the obstacles that cross our path. We grow stronger as we climb our own mountains.
Marvin J. Ashton

Good judgement comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgement.

It's finally Friday, and thank goodness for that.

Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go foward and not backward. Courage, brethren, and on, on to the victory!



Tales Don't Tell Themselves....

I'm pretty sure I look like a moron when I take tests. I use my hands as blood vessels, draw pictures that no one can see, and map out body systems in the air. (Not that I am exuberant). Sometimes I write on the desk because I have no scratch paper. The worst though, is that for most of the test talk to myself. Sometimes it's like I'm muttering to myself, though it is just me mouthing questions or talking things out...to myself...out loud. I look around and no one else is doing that...I mean, I see the frustrated looks that mirror my own face...the quizzical brow and the hand up to the mouth...perhaps chewing on a pencil...staring blankly at a page for hours (okay, minutes) hoping inspiration will jump off the page. But I never quite see the effort that I make to remember things in others.

88% on a test in my 305 class.

It was worth it. There wasn't anyone I was trying to impress there anyways. I'm sure no one notices. And if they do, well at least they have a laugh.