Plenty of Paper

Dear Valued Customer,

Yes, we sell paper here. And yes, we also copy things here. I'm sorry, but I don't know what "sure" means when I ask what covers you want. I also don't know what "the best one" means as far as type of color of paper. Not one fiber of my being cares, so why don't you just pick because you're paying for it?

It is not my fault you're not responsible, and it is absolutely not my problem that you come in 10 minutes before your class across campus starts, and you expect us to format your file, print 17 color pages, bind it (while you take a few to figure out your covers), and then ring you up while you throw your credit card in our faces in three minutes max while you yell to all the other five people in your class doing the same thing that "oh my gosh! We're going to be late!" and then laugh hysterically when I ask if you'd like a reciept. My bad.

It's simply not my problem you can't format your own file. I will help you, of course, with what I can. I'm not a computer expert, and that wasn't in the job requirements. When I express my sympathy that we can't help you, that does not open it up for you to say "yeah I wish you guys could too. The other place could". (Or just short of "yes, I think you're incompetent). Well, I'm sorry. Go there then. We will be fine. Besides, I probably wasn't even sorry because you were being a jerk anyway. No sign, anywhere in the entire place, says that "we'll do everything for you! Come in, and we'll design it, format it, and print it...for free!" (Oh...imagine...)

Nope. We don't laminate shirts. Please don't be mad. There are simply some things we cannot do. We're not Kinkos, nor do we claim to be.

I'm sorry you're indecisive, I'm sorry you're kind of a moron, and I'm sorry I'm not a wizard (no really, I am).

In closing, it's just a flyer. Remember that. It probably won't stop the world in its tracks. And nope, sorry. You cannot get your book bounded here. I will bind your book, but I can't bound it. (Readers: that is a direct quote from I don't know how many people "can I get this bounded?")

We're pretty much a bunch of college kids in a place with heat, blades, punches and stupid machines that sometimes just can't do what you want it to. That's just how it goes sometimes. Be a grownup, and please don't get angry at me, as I can not talk to the machine into doing what you want. If you would like to try, be my guest.


Amanda Marie

P.S. Oh and hard's harder than soft lamination. And that's pretty much why it's called hard lamination. So next time you ask what's the difference, I will try very hard not to smile as I say "well, the hard is harder."


Janet Thwaits said...

No specific comment Just wanted to say hang in there and welcome to the world of dealing with people. And some people wonder why I like working with dumb animals. LOVE YA GPR

Katya said...

hahahah people are so stupid. I'm sorry. :)

Janet Thwaits said...

I once saw a sign that said something like "Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me". Perhaps, this would be good to memorize and repeat if necessary!!
Love you, Grandma Rick

Dave said...

Hey, is this the place that does the stitch binding? I just need this bind. What do you mean you can't do it? I did it here before!

Karen said...

This brought back many hilarious memories! I think I heard, "Can I get this binded" more than "bounded" but they were definitely both said. It really is so common that anyone who said it correctly I almost wanted to applaud. My favorite was when they were picking resume paper. It was like they thought all their hopes of getting a job rested on what paper they printed their resume on, and of course we should know what that special, magical paper was and how dare we not share our knowledge. There were so many times on those stupid resumes that people would print somewhere that I told them not to, or didn't select something that I told them to, even multiple times. I really wanted to just grab their resume and write, "Cannot follow directions" in big bold letters. Good times though, good times.

Megan Boswell said...

Customer: "Can I get this on card stock?"
Me: "Yeah, do you want it on glossy card stock or not?"
Customer: "What's the difference?"
Me: " is glossy...and the other isn't..."