Unwritten. (I hate that song actually...)

Taffy town. Pretty much, it was rad. The conference center

If I was to ever be famous from one of my pictures, it would be this one.

"let me get a picture of you with the temple and the crane in the background..."

Our paint....hee hee Yep, I know.

It's disgusting. Actually, it was delicious.

We're pretty good dancers, by the way.

Oh! And I hate those speeches at the end of teenager movies. Like all of a sudden they come to realize their moral sins. And now, since they admit they lie to everyone, they can continue on in life. And everything is happy. GoodNESS.

Steady As She Goes...

I think I can wait patiently because I am pretty sure I know the answer: I simply don't make the cut.

That is hard to take, yes. But no, I'm not saying I am giving up my dream. At least what I think is my dream. Dream is a very big word. Very committal. I'm too insecure to say this is my dream because then it won't happen. Such is life. As I've said before...I'm worried that I've idealized nursing too long. And hearing the horror stories of shots and awkward labs and some downright sick things nurses have to do...is this what I want? I don't want to be a hypocrite and not want it. I do want it. I need to be sure that there is a higher source of knowledge than me, and that that source knows that if I do get it, I can succeed. You have to get through the sick and awkward part to specialize and do what you want. I wish I felt like this was my "calling" in life. Does that exist? It would seem so:

My mom is a math teacher. My dad is a planner. My grandpa is a vet. Dave is an engineer. Katie is a chemist and a dancer. They know that. The list goes on but I can't say for sure that Amanda is a nurse is on the list. Why? Because I'm not in the program! I don't know!

I feel like this is the part where you take a step in the dark and say "this is what I want to do with the life that I have. I only have one shot to make a difference and feel useful. I only can really have one career (mothering aside). And this is it. Please make this work."

And if I don't get it, I don't want to give up on myself and say well, I guess I'm not meant to be a nurse...and then do something else. Because I could go to another school. I can do the accelerated nursing program. I could take another direction. But I have this passion inside of me that I need to be a change for the better. Not for selfish reasons, no. Because I just feel like I need that in my life, as a growing process. I just don't know what I can do. Actually, I just haven't thought too much about it. I don't want to sit down and consider my options. I would like things to fall into place.

Another thing, which is a huge things...is the idea of practicality. While I have many options, I really, personally, feel like I don't have as many as are available. And that is perfectly fine. I know that being a mother someday is part of my purpose in life. But, I am not one now, and so I only have one perspective. And that perspective is such that I feel like I am making sacrifices for things I'm not sure of. I don't think that makes much sense...but it's like...I don't know what I'm going to graduate in. I hope it's nursing. But if it's not, I am an open major because I have no idea. So why can't I be a lawyer or a doctor? Well, honestly, let's face it...deep down I know I don't really have the stamina to do either of those. But deeper down, I don't want to, really.

Politics fascinate me. But I'm not sure what I could do with that. I know there are so many things that can benefit humanity. I just feel a bit cheated because I haven't taken a class where I feel like I'm totally in my element....where I should be. But it's only my first year I suppose.

I guess then, the conclusion I come to is that for now, I will enjoy my classes and take some good ones and things will work out and of that I am absolutely sure.

I just feel a little stuck. But it's summer. And I just won't worry about it. I already am sure I shouldn't anyways. It'll come.

Ich weiss das Gott leibt. We learned how to pretty much bear a testimony in German today. And it was so cool.

A Little's Enough.

I am done!

I have officially applied for the nursing program.

And now I have done all that I can do except wait patiently.

I truly believe what is meant to happen, will.

So we shall see.

Supermassive Black hole

I love my American Heritage lab class...and here are the thoughts that this last class caused:

Note: this is a political blog. I am sorry if you don't agree or something.

So same sex marriage is legal in California because of a court case. Now according to the Full Faith and Credit clause of the Constitution in article four of the Constitution, it (gay marriage) should be legal everywhere else too. Now, I don't understand at all why it isn't legal anywhere else. So if someone does know, I would like to know. What I do know though, is that what I do know is that somehow what is going on doesn't agree with the Constitution.

Also, I think it is really interesting that when polygamy was an issue, the church wanted things like marriages to be an issue of state government, and that the national government should have nothing to do with it. Now, however, we believe that there should be an amendment made to the Constitution banning gay marriage. I think that is interesting that we changed our minds. Which, of course, is fine. Here is the thing: I'm totally against gay marriage, and think an amendment would do our country good. But on the other hand, looking at it from a Constitutional standpoint, unless you take a real liberal look at the document, (ironic, as the liberals are against an amendment) the national government has NO power to control marriage. All powers (yes, ALL) not given to the national government go to the states. So unless you use the elastic clause (article one) to say that it is for the "forming of a more perfect union" or "promote the general welfare"....there is no way they can really justify an amendment, without the people putting up a fight if they so wish.

Things like this get so complicated. Where is the line between the state and the national government? The founders didn't make it crystal clear on purpose. But then you get people thinking they can do whatever and it's "freedom of expression". Most founders didn't think a bill of rights was necessary. And they are technically right, as things not specifically denied in the Constitution are given to the people. As in, we shouldn't need an amendment saying we have freedom of religion, speech, press, assembly petition because there is nothing in the Constitution saying that the government has a right to inflict bans on those things. Then again, the LDS church would have suffered WAY more than they already did WITHOUT the right to freedom of religion. Which is ridiculous. People were (and are) so narrow minded. Elder Oaks said (not a direct quote as I don't know where it is) that the Bill of Rights is most like scripture. So obviously pretty important.

And I don't understand why people are so selfish. Why can't they be a senator or a representative or a president without just wanting the money and the fame? I mean...people buy these people for SO much money. A vote, a line in a bill, etc. Of course our country is going down the tube....we're led by mostly corrupt men. (well maybe corrupt is a little harsh). But honestly, they aren't doing much good in Washington. Why can't they want to lead for the better and then quietly step down and enjoy the benefits of a better world they've helped create? That is what I would want to do.

If we don't get our government together and quit reading between the lines where there aren't lines to read between (ie amendments and actual articles of the Constitution) and have a government as the founding fathers tried to create, we will fall! It happened to so many other "unbreakable" empires. There is so much chaos. I can and can't wait for the millennium when we'll have a perfect leader and a perfect place to live in.
So to recap: I do not support gay marriage, nor do I really want Utah to recognize those. But if it's Constitutionally correct, we must do it! It's the tinkerbell effect. We must believe in the rule of law in order for it to exist. Just like it's so iffy when we arrest people we think are terrorists without any "real" reason too. I mean, it's definitely better safe than sorry. But you can't ignore the rule of law!

Here is quote I loved from a movie clip from American Heritage

"A: What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?"
B: Yes, I'd cut down every law in England to do so!"
A: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned 'round on you, where would you hid, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country is planted thick with laws, from coast to coast, Man's laws, not God's! And if you cut then down, and you're just the man to do it, do you really think you can stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes! I'd give the Devil benefits of law, for my own safety's sake!"

So even though there are some things we think are worth it to cut down the laws...we can't! The laws keep us safe. And if we cut them down for somethings, we cannot expect them to hold up for others. It's perspective.

Recap: I do not support letting terrorists go free. Again, just my thoughts on the matter. I loved learning about the "rule of law".

Anyways. If anyone knows anything I don't know, let me know...because I don't think I'm an expert...it's just interesting.

Show me the Money...

I shall not name the words and phrases that ran through my head as I watched my phone fall down a flight of stairs. Really though, all I did was watch it in disbelief. Outside. At least 10 stairs...it bounced about twice. Last time my phone flew from my hands it broke completely and that was a nightmare. I just got this phone 5 months ago. I cannot deal with buying a new phone. But, thankfully, a few scratches to show its braveness....and it searched for service...and bingo. It still works. That's my first chance.

I also almost had a heart attack when I got in my car after filling it up with gas and I looked down and the gas gauge was only at half full. What?! I did not just spend a week's worth of working (okay, that is dramatic) only to fill up half a tank!? But then relief comes as it slowly but surely makes its way up to a notch past all the way full. I didn't breathe until then. This may come from the very first time I filled up a car with gas..the first time it stopped filling I assumed it was done (not that it was bumped and so it just stopped...) and in a panic I called my dad (I think) asking why it only filled up 5 gallons or something. I apparently didn't think you could put it back in and keep filling up your car.

And now I have to get a hose cause something is leaking in my car. Lame. Just work!

Yes, at times I lack competence in many things.

There is a song from the Prince Caspian soundtrack (which, by the way, is an incredible movie) that I am in love with (that means in one day I played it at least 20 times. 14 in a row) and I want to buy it on itunes. But alas, that is an "album song". Which is ridiculous. They only do that so you'll buy the rest of the music from the movie because it's all Lord of the Ring-y. Amazing, I'm sure..but who listens to that on a regular basis? The three real songs (as it, with words and not an orchestra) are "album only". I do not want the rest of the album...just that amazing song. It is called "The Call" by Regina Spektor and it's full of deep lyrics and incredible strings.

So my sister comes in and tells me a joke: Pete and Repeat are sitting on a wall. Pete falls off. Who's left?

So apparently the answer is Repeat. So then the funny part is the teller starts saying it again. And you're like repeat! And so they do. I liked my answer, which is was no one because Repeat will "repeat" what Pete does and fall off. I am not, however, as clever as I thought I was because my sister laughed herself silly. Not as hard though, as we did, when she said Alison said


Feel Fine

I bought joint juice today. How old am I? Oh yeah...I'm almost nineteen. I was going to buy a bottle of Glucosamine but they were for like hardcore use. Three a day! I'm not ninety. Anyways...so I bought a four pack of juice that is the same thing. It's just four days of use. I hope it will work. If not, I guess I'll to start popping pills. Hopefully they aren't fake. I just need my foot to feel better because it sort of hurts like the dickens lately.

I was hoping that the "notice the difference in ___ weeks" wasn't true, especially for mild pain. But those instructions are intense, and I think I'd rather just deal with it, at least for a while.

Shameless, Hard & True.

I can't really explain it, but I really like that our bathroom vanity is a total mess. Hairspray, makeup, face wash, straighteners, brushes, lotion, toothpaste. At Heritage, our bathroom never had anything on the counter (except when it did it was probably mine). That was cool...and we did have mirrors in our bathroom. Here we don't, and I like that it's chaos. I mean we are girls, and we are at college. So it should look like this...yes? It could also be protest. I mean, my mom hated when our bathroom was a mess (good reason: it was). But with only three of us, it isn't that bad, and if it got really messy, we'd clean it. But we aren't here all that much, and it's not a big deal. And I like it.

And I like texting. A lot.

When I talk fast, I slip into "girl talk". Which means I say "like" every other word, repeat things and talk really fast.

I can talk super fast.

I love chewing gum. All the time

I never buy the same of something (shampoo, toothpaste, deoderant, mascara) twice (well, okay last time I did).

I will probably be hard of hearing when I'm older because I play music really loud. I love music.

The longer I sleep, the more untucked my covers become.

I remember weird things...and nothing useful in my academic career.

My favorite books are youth books. Low reading level. As in, third graders read them and I have them memorized.

I love vases, for some reason.

I love pictures. And I have to have my pictures organized on my computer.

I have so many wallets. But I hate (hate) wearing purses. I will shove it all in my pockets, tuck my wallet under my armpit, or get the boy who I'm with to put my keys, phone, and sometimes wallet in his huge boy pockets (cause girls get left out of good pockets). Or if it's a best friend I'll ask her to put it in her purse.

On Thursday, I made dinner for my dinner group. It was kind of a big job, coordinating and getting everything ready, which gives me appreciation for the women in my family who make dinners for more people that 15. In the morning, I got the potato soup ready (peeling potatoes, cutting potatoes, onions, and dumping cans in the crock pot), then after school I made the dessert, cooked the bacon, cut onions, shredded cheese, made the bread, did the dishes...all that stuff added up! But it turned out really well. And I love when things turn out well.

Dave and I painted pictures with pudding. Pictures to follow. Oh, it was good. And I previously thought pistachio pudding was disgusting. I mean, who wants pudding made from nuts?! Well we got that kind because it was green (joining the orange (butterscotch), yellow (vanilla), and brown (chocolate...)). And in the course of our adventure, we ate a lot of pudding (bonus over actual paint: you can eat it). And it is delicious. It takes like almond extract (which, almonds are nuts. But they don't taste like pistachios at all. And I've eaten plenty of those in my life. Why is it called that?!) and almost extract is an amazing smell/flavor. Over all, a good day. (That followed three and half hours of the Office. Hee hee...)

The Rush.

I don't like animals. Most of them smell bad....I do, however, desperately wish I could have a panda bear. Every so often, I think of cute little puppies and want to cuddle with one. Except I'd have to change and shower (okay, that is dramatic. I would change though).

I think children smell funny. (When I say funny I mean gross). Especially in public schools. I could never be a teacher. And I hope the love you feel for your children can overcome smell. Especially because I kind of hope for boys.

I always have wished I had a brother. A twin brother, even.

I get scared to be outside alone when it's dark. Probably good reason.

I love rushes. Heights, roller coasters, that sort of sensations. Only in the last few years though...but I relish in rushes. (Not the Supersonic kind though, no way).

I trip, rather often, over nothing.

I don't get embarrassed. I mean, my body thinks I do and I turn red...but I get over it quickly. I love to laugh, and so I can laugh at myself and move on.

I love laughing really hard.

The Secret's In The Telling...

(Katie's post was really good)

I have a somewhat irrational (yes, I am well aware of that fact) fear of being smashed between elevator doors.

I keep a lot of things, even if I don't necessarily need the memory. It's just something that provides closure to me.

I need closure on most things.

I feel like time is running out to decide...and I am still not sure about things.

There are many things I wish I was more informed about...but sometimes I feel like in the long run it probably won't matter.

I am consciously aware when I waste time and I hate that sometimes I don't do a thing about it. I choose not to do something I ought to (like homework) because I'd rather do something else.

Mostly, I'd rather be by myself or with one or two people. I don't, and mostly never have, liked big group activities because not that I need to be in the center of attention, I just don't like to feel invisible or uncomfortable or self-conscious. When there is a group thing going on, I'd rather just stay home sometimes. Sometimes it's just easier.

I am so moved by patriotic movies or clips from American Heritage. People reading speeches...I just feel so grateful and amazed at the strength of people before me. This, read while images were across the screen, gave me chills:

THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.

I thank God, that I fear not. I see no real cause for fear. I know our situation well, and can see the way out of it.

I push snooze at least three times (on a good day it's only two).

I hate (or really really don't like) speaking foreign languages in front of people (like classmates and teachers) because I feel like they are judging me because my accent or pronunciation or something is wrong...and sometimes I just can't help being self conscious.

I miss reading books. And I haven't read Harry Potter since fall semester, but I probably still cry over Harry Potter. Why? I don't know. I get attached to characters.

I love cute songs about things like relationships. A lot of them are the same, but sometimes you find a good song that you can identify with or something, and it is the coolest feeling.

I really wish I had time or the complete motivation to play the piano really well. I think that piano music is so beautiful and I hate that I can't play it as well as I'd like. And it's my own fault.

Sometimes I imagine getting into a wreck. I imagine in my head me feeling incapable of driving, and then as soon as I get behind the wheel, I don't know why I freak myself out picturing these crashes because I can drive just fine.

I am such an indecisive person, and a horrible speller.

I enjoy (someone oddly) the feeling of preparing something, and then watching it play out, and knowing I did a good job, or that it was a success. Even though I get stressed, I love feeling accomplished.

I am terrified of getting injured. I hate pain (well, doesn't everyone?) but I'm such a wuss...

I'm too sarcastic. I'm getting better though, I think.

I love go swimming when it is really warm. I'm beginning to like art more. As in, there are many paintings that I find I really enjoy looking at. I love the sun and green green grass.

Well not all of these are secrets, but there's a few things about me.

Feelings Show.

Well I am pretty sure my grandma likes David more than she likes me. But really though, who could blame her? With his, (quote) perfect eyelashes and beautiful teeth and just over all cuteness...things could be much worse I suppose.

I'll post pictures of my sweet car sometime.

I Woke Up In a Car.

I picked a card (two cards, actually) out today in 10 minutes. It's a record. It was probably because I wasn't looking for one with sayings inside or anything too feel goodsy. So it was pretty easy. And it's totally my style of card. Whatever that means.

Friday's are my American Heritage lab. I loved the class today. It is like a high school class...you raise your hand and say something...and it's a discussion. There are only fourteen people in the class and it's so interesting. Spring semester is so interesting. It feels like summer, but it isn't. I'm still in school. I actually...in some form or another, love my classes. I really enjoy learning a new language, even though it can be difficult when you can't understand or pronounce certain sounds. Oh well...practice makes perfect. It is also weird because it goes so fast! I think in a language class that is good. The faster you go the more you have to compound it into your brain and make it stay. If you have too long you forget certain things. I hope that I don't fail miserably when I take my American Heritage test this week, like the horror stories go. I love the topic, and I've taken many classes on it. I hesitate to say how hard can it be? (Don't worry, there will be a post of me eating my words...)

I love my spring schedule.

Oh, and I bought a car! I wasn't expecting that to happen until the end of the summer, but my parents saw a car for sale, checked it out, and I bought it (we went halfsies) the next day! One day I don't have a car, the next I do! It is a 91 dunkel blau (dark blue) Camry. It has personality (and by that I mean it's missing some of it's looks) But it's mine, and it is car! I don't even know what this feeling is. I mean, it's just a car. But I've never owned something so cool before. Whoo!

And I am going to my home ward so I don't have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow! Whoo!

And this week Dave and I have watched all of Season two of The Office except the finale. It's been pretty awesome. And by pretty awesome I mean very awesome!

I also volunteered at the Republican Convention today. Apparently I missed the big hours, but I wouldn't have known that. I also missed out on all the buttons. (I love buttons very much). I did get a free shirt, and there are few things I wouldn't do for a free shirt. But I decided that at least once I will be a delegate at a convention. How AWESOME.

Anyways this is sort of random...but...ni modo. (oh well).

Think About It, Think Think About It...

If any of you would like a laugh, I would strongly recommend this video.

Quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. Or a close second.

Guten Tag!

From Where You Are

Here is a Sunday thought...some musings of my mind...whoo!

"Sure I am of this, that you have only to endure to conquer" -Winston Churchill.

Now, of course, you can't merely wish your conquering....but the principle of endurance applies to everything...

"The gospel is easy to live; all you have to do is stay everlastingly at it" - Hartman Rector Jr.

If you believe and trust in the Lord, you will be able to conquer.

1 Cor 9:24, 26 (a favorite scripture)

"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain... I therefore so run."

And aren't we lucky that we are blessed for every small good thing we do? Because we surely don't do anything except by the grace of the Lord.

"...for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he has paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?"

"if ye should serve him with all you whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants."

I am grateful for the chance to try. And for the breaths that I can take to becoming a better person.

And it's warm (for the moment). Yesss...

And Suzy? Those scones were amazingly perfect. Gracias chica!

Makes Me Wonder

There is another thing I should never be allowed to pick out on my own: gift bags. All I know is it's for a wedding and she gave me three dollars. Well...it's Walmart, and a lot of things are under three dollars. The dilemma went like this: it's a wedding, so should I go with the traditional pastel pretty flowers or because it's something to celebrate and it's spring...something bright and happy, and I daresay, cute?

If it was my wedding (and of course I would be picking out my own gift bags....) I would have gone with the bright stripped or sweet graphic flower bag...but since it was not my gift (well, collectively I suppose it is) nor my money, I supposed I ought to go with the traditional "wedding" bag style.

There were, however, the uber cheesy kind, with the MR & MRS in ugly gold or the cliche "from this day forward...." with a poem on it....lame. Conformist! Why would one want 49,000 bags that all have to do with weddings just because it's your wedding? The bag really makes no difference, so I would opt for a colorful fun bag.

But, alas, I went with with pastel/almost out of focus flowers and pearls (or something) with a decorative round edge top...and it came to exactly two dollars (which is almost the coolest thing I've ever been a part of). And everything fits perfectly inside. Am I good, or am I good?

Next on things I should never be allowed to pick out: cards. There are so freaking many different kinds. And on any one occasion there are so many different tones you could take. Sweet, cute, funny, awesome (like a spiderman card or something)...I'm pretty much a sucker for good meaningful quotes and so if you have one of those on a card, I will probably want it. But I mean, some of them are so hilarious. Anyways....it takes me forever to find THE perfect card. So, if you ever get a card from me, know that much thought went into it...and 2.4 hours of my life.

Also today, a guy was riding my tail on state street, and every once in a while I'll get into driving and be 5 or so under the speed limit, so when I look up and see him I was like "oops", but I'm already going 45, and a red light was within the block...and I couldn't speed up anyways, nor would I because he wouldn't slow down. So I just gesture the "what are you doing?" and nothing. So I do it again, very annoyed. Then eventually on 1600 he was ahead of me because we both switch lanes and I got stuck behind a guy who didn't know how to use the shoulder (hint: you pull off into when turning right...it's pretty easy) and the temptation to ride his tail was almost too much. But I didn't. I was as annoyingly close as I could get without feeling risky or being a hypocrite.

Stupid drivers. (No, he isn't stupid because he is from Utah. He is stupid because he is stupid.)