I am thankful for....

that always lets me do my laundry when I go home
that feeds me when I go home
(an entire extended family) that is good company and makes me laugh
that gets up at 3:15 in the morning to have a bonding experience on Black Friday
in which two attractive cousins made a freaking cute baby, who is the hit of the party
that has possibly let go the ridiculousness of my teenage years...um...yeah I'm sorry I was a bum.
a boyfriend
who lets me talk on and on...
who thinks up fun date ideas
who just laughs when I try to figure out his plans
who sacrifices time to do his work and homework in order to do things with me...like nothing.
who walks me home at night and always walks home from my house at night in the cold.
who is such a gentleman
who humors me by watching grey's anatomy and pride and prejudice (except I know he likes it)
who loves me for me...
who like me even though I don't spend much time with them anymore
a roommate who always lets me borrow her clothes and straightener and such
who are and have always been there for me
my life
my job, even though sometimes I hate it
work friends
a car
the gospel
a mostly warm fall
exciting plans ahead
two weeks left of fall semester!
going to Oregon soon
a new major
the love of those around me.


If you look too deeply into the abyss, the abyss will look into you.

I am one test and one class away from the break...then after work, I'm free. Too bad it's soooo far away. Okay, not really. in 15 hours. But it means a very long morning. And short night.

So uh...

Dave and I went and saw James Bond, Quantum of Solace and it was pretty good. The action, four stars. The story...maybe like 3...2.5? We went to the new University Mall Theatre and it was super nice. We got there just in time to get our free popcorn (thanks Daily Universe) and be like 8th in line. The acutal theatres are so small compared to provo mall, not nearly as many seats. Oh well, we got middle/center!

Office season? Excellent. I'm very anxious for the upcoming episodes...love all my other dramas too....bahaha...

um...this test...last one, I rocked, remember?? Yeah, no, I can't think like that because then I'll not do so well, I just know it. New information, new scary test.

George Medeski. David Mitrany. Vietnam, WW1, Pakistan/India, Israel/Arab....theories of war...these facts and theories and dates and MORE are rolling through my head and I could answer all questions. Maybe.

Want to read a good book? Interpreter of Maladies (so good, collection of short indian stories, HIGHLY recommend), Why Nations Go To War (non-fiction (but not boring textbook), SUCH a good summary/in depth discussion of why all the wars in the last century happened. Incredible. Stuff you never learned in high school). An Ordinary Man (autobiography of Paul Russabagina...so heart wrenching...yet so good. The pure good doings of some people amaze me).

And well, I feel guilty of the last two weeks worth of New York Times I haven't even opened, let alone read. My teacher was gone which sets a horrible precident of what I will do when the class is over...but it's such a good thing to do...I just can't find time to do it lately.

BYU game...uh....that sucked.

I got a free t-shirt today. Sorry to those of you I bothered with a text. It was all part of the dealio. I actually gave it to Dave cause it was too big for me. Too bad I didn't do it earlier to get a small.

Ah well, more later I suppose. I hate the cold. And it's not even that cold yet. I can't wait for the semester to be over!!


a new song I bought reminds me of this post

"I am in love with you" by Imogen Heap

"No don't get yourself in situations,
No don't get yourself in situations,
Darling, that you can't handle."

Reflections of Christ.

On my way to work I stopped at this art exhibit in the mezzanine of the bookstore.

I think if you went through the exhibit or at least look at his site, you can understand the feeling these photographs give. It was an amazing experience to walk through the small exhibit, hearing beautiful music, seeing the Savior's life depicted in such a unique way that you can feel the artist's testimony through the artwork.

So if they have it going this next week, I'd encourage anyone to go.

thoughts on alienation.

Today in my 202 class we talked about Karl Marx and The Communist Manifesto. It was pretty interesting as he would answer questions the students had as if he were Marx. Which, none of us (I'm assuming), being communist, could really agree with. He admitted he doesn't agree with it. However, my teacher was anxious to get to the essay on Alienated Labor. The following is mostly his thoughts, summarized in my words, with some of my thoughts. I found it amazing and I've thought about it a lot today. These are paraphrased quotes and snippets from the lectures and I know it's kind of long...but hopefully worth the read!

Marx argues there are 3 causes of alienation:

1. Division of Labor (factories, assembly line)
2. Wage Labor/ wage of slavery
3. Market economy/cash relations (ie we treat each other in cash relations. Why do we do our job? For money, not to interact or to help)

There are 3 types of alienation:
1. objectification/alienation of things
2. de-humanization/alienation of self
3. species alienation/alienation from other human beings

After summarizing these and explaining, he launched into this passionate and incredible speech-type lecture on how yes, Marx is wrong about the economy and he's wrong about the history of the world, but he is so right about modernity! Marx hates modernity, but in his communistic belief, believes that it is necessary to push modernity to the absolute worst to bring about the communist revolution.

So my teacher begins to talk about how we dehumanize people into numbers and IDs and cars and "why is that person going 55? He's in my way!" (he's actually yelling this, doing a whole role play. It was hilarious.) He says "I teach 265 of you and I'll never know your name and I'll never know what you're doing...and when class is over, it's over, no matter if we're done teaching or done discussing." He made the point that normal human beings don't do that...they don't walk away in the middle of a conversation, but because he's getting paid no matter who is there, it's okay. He doesn't really have to care about our success.

"Why do I live this way? Why do I teach 265 students at once when I'd prefer 6? Why do I choose this? I lose satisfaction and fulfillment as a teacher, but I still do it...why?

Because I have two cars at home and a boat at the cottage in Canada."

"The car will breakdown in my driveway in three years and the boat will rot. But I still give up that fulfillment for it."

He then moves into the fact that we don't always know the situation of others. They may be driving 55 because their life just fell apart and it's pretty bad, but we don't care, they are just a car in our way. We walk past people on the street and they are just part of the scenery.

"We have no right to see others that way. Everyone has a spark of divinity in them."

(my own thoughts for now):

"remember the worth of souls is great in the site of God" !

In this section, Christ talks about how every soul is so great He died for everyone of us! Why do we see people as a number or another book to bind (guilty) or another customer or annoying person? Now I am for sure not very good at being always being Christ-like and nice, but it's so interesting to think about! Why is it so hard in this modern world to be kind?

My professor then continues to say that we sell our souls* for nothing. But we have a religion that means so much more than convenience. We need to have more people that are in the world and not of it.

"try and notice. I am aware of it but I still do it, and it is so frustrating! You will find a disgust for it as you try and see it in your life"

"and that is the end of my lecture"


I have rarely been so inspired by the passionate speech of a teacher. I love hearing emotion in my teachers' voice as they try to communicate their knowledge and passion of and for their subject to the students. It's like a testimony of knowledge. It's awesome. I heard it in Chemistry, Physiology, Personal Finance, and International Relations.

Anyways, there is my attempt to convey the awesomeness of my 202 class today. Maybe let's try to be a little more human eh? And, big news, I stayed awake the WHOLE time today. Go me. Karl may be a little crazy, but I concur with my teacher with the fact he knew modernity pretty well.

And it may be the Jon Schmidt piano music again, but I feel a little down right now. I don't know. Blah.

*really amazing quote that I don't have on this computer that will be posted later.
I'm listening to Jon Schmidt's radio station on Pandora...and it has such beautiful music it's making me feel very melancholy, pensive, and at peace. And a little sad though I have nothing to be sad about.

Ever I Love you by Tim Janice, Pachiavel meets U2 by Jon Schmidt...all these songs on here are amazing. I'm listening to the rain, curling up on my bed, and letting my thoughts wander to this music. Beautiful. I wish I could create music like this.

it's too late to apologize....

This last Friday Dave and I went with our work friends Jarom and Kelsey to the OneRepublic concert. It was so good! Our last concert experience didn't go so well, but this one was an overwhelming success. (pictures to follow). Anyways, that's sixteen concerts...and only four to go before I get to my goal. It seems reachable. It would be awesome to achieve (in my mind, at least). OneRepublic is definitely in the top five best concerts I've seen. Whooo.

On the one hand, awesome. On the other...it's an investment for sure!!

I can't really remember all the thoughts I was going to blog over this past weekend...I did finish my policy paper which is sort of the pride of my academic career. So, if any of you are really bored and would like to learn somethings, you could read it. Let me know. I'd never inflict this paper on anyone who wasn't willing. It's pretty long, and possibly boring.

Other than that, this week has been great so far. Not too much homework, being around my friends and the weather is pretty cool. I feel like all of my classes are going well (for once)...and that is a nice feeling. I'm waiting for this semester to be over, though.

Oh, and I signed up for freaking traffic school. bah.

undermining on the home front....an enemy's best friend.

David's brother-in-law Evan posted this article, and I think it's really good. I completely agree. I don't really care that he can't speak "well"...I still think he says really good things. And after September 11th...what would you have done? Any one of those people better and sooo much capable that President Bush done? Most the leaders " " bashing on the war and President Bush stood right behind him five years ago. The names Kerry, Edwards, Biden, Clinton and Reid capture my particular attention. It shouldn't work like that. You may not like how it ended, but who would have known that partially because of pathetic support in the U.S. and the rest of the world the war would still be going on. They can't just pull back their support and trash President Bush for something they voted for!

I remember my AP government teacher talking about how good it is that our government is removed from the people, cause had he been the one with the button, he would have nuked the Middle East into oblivion (or something to that effect).

So okay, you have your President now. Let's see how this turns out. It isn't like our country was perfectly in balance when President Bush came into power. What should he have done instead of going to war? Turn around, pretend terrorists don't exist, and hope that we can protect our country as another September 11th is happening?

"Our failure to stand by the one person who continued to stand by us has not gone unnoticed by our enemies. It has shown to the world how disloyal we can be when our president needed loyalty -- a shameful display of arrogance and weakness that will haunt this nation long after Mr. Bush has left the White House."

You disapprove of him now because he's still trying to finish what America started, regardless of how bad it may seem. American citizens give up when it gets too hard, apparently. I'd like to know what would have happened in President Bush pulled out because things were hard. People would probably still hate him.

I'm not saying I think America should be the fix-all for the world.

But, in my opinion, there are bigger things at stake.

clever, bold, resourceful.

Blah. I'm writing a paper for 202 and I feel like I have no idea what I'm supposed to write about. I see what I've written and it's like the same thing over again. Machiavelli vomit. Babies are really distracting when they are crying. I wish he would stop crying....I wish this paper was clearer in its instructions. Or it was the same as the last paper I got a great score on. On the bright side, I'm more than half way through. I also hope it doesn't suck too bad. Ah. I've resorted to the Shaffer's model of paragraphs:

topic sentence, concrete detail, two or so commentary, concrete detail, commentary, conclusion.

I think it's helping me focus. But this paper is summary, explanation and analysis. I'm not sure if I'm analyzing it enough, but that goes back to the problem of not really knowing what else to say about it than what it says. Machiavelli was pretty specific.

Yeah. Snow patrol's new album. It's pretty good. These are my favorites.

I will race you to the waterside
And from the edge of Ireland shout out loud
So they could hear it in America
It's all for you.
Crack the shutters open wide
I want to bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays
Tangle up around your face and body

I could sit for hours
Finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cause the daylight seems to want you
Just as much as I want you

It's been minutes it's been days
It's been all I will remember
I painted this
To look like you and me forever as we're now

And I'm shaken then I'm still
When your eyes meet mine I lose simple skills
Like to tell you all I want is love


I can't decide if I'm glad my vote doesn't matter, or if I wish it did. I also can't decide if I regret my vote and wish I would have just wrote someone in. I feel like I should be mostly behind the person I vote for. Which, sure, we have the same party affiliation, but I'm not sure how much I like of his politics, etc. More than the other guy, I guess...that counts for something. So, sure, I should do more reading, but on the other hand, sometimes politics feels far removed from me. I wish someone good had made it into the finals...someone with good morals, good politics, and a genuine interest in the well-being of this country...not just for the power and the fame and the money involved on the side. It disgusts me how many politicians make money on the side for passing bills with x provision that means when they are finished with politics they can be a CEO of a company the passed a bill for and make millions. Why can't someone just want to do their part, help a little, and then quietly leave??

yeah yeah, well we'll see won't we??


Not bad eh? It's hard to capture their amazing-ness....but we tried.

Oh cute....pb & j.

This year for Halloween, we decided to go as pam and jim (that's Pam Beasley and Jim Halpert for you non-office watchers...) from the coolest show ever. Anyways, it was fun because it was pretty unique and we got some recognition. It was also cool because it was all free. Which was nice. After school and work, we went to my stake party to find my roommates, which was unsuccessful. We went back to my apartment because we wanted to watch the Office from the day before, but decided to go see a movie. We went and saw the Mummy III. Which was pretty good, followed the same format as all mummy movies...except the WRONG Mrs. O'Connell, which drove me crazy the whole time, and I just like the first two better. But it was still a good movie, full of action and perfect for Halloween (for those who aren't fans of being scared...). After we ate some ice cream and finished the Office. It was pretty fun! We didn't eat a single piece of candy either. We each had like 5 cookies from various sources, but no candy. Oh well, that's what the days after are for!