i ain't lost, just wandering.

You know that quote "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"? I hope that's not true. Because I have good intentions to do a lot of things--and never really do them. Or when I do them, I fail. Or I think-intend, but don't try-intend because I don't have the time in the first place. There are things that I do accomplish, and I guess I hope they are enough because they were the big ones. At least, right now they are big. You know? bleh.

This week was disappointing and defeating and I feel all I can do is throw my hands up in defeat and wait for next week so I can feel it all over again. Then Dave told me that's not what you do. Sometimes life doesn't work or isn't working out like you planned or hoped for. But you always have the choice to be happy. Which is true. And I know I have a lot to be happy about but the things that influence my happiness (or most of it) right now don't seem to be doing their job. And in the long run, this week or this month or semester won't really matter, except that right now I feel that it does.

and I don't know how many more pleases I can muster while feeling like there is no reply.

and I know there is a reply. so I guess the problem is I'm scared I can't figure out what it is.

but today i'll try to not be worried. things have worked out thus far, so who am i to think they won't work out now? maybe i feel the timing is off, but it's probably not.

also, is it is pathetic to be attached to a car? on a happier note, we think we have really sold our car. well, we'll find out at 11 if she doesn't forget to come pay for it and get the title. but last night I was feeling a little sad about it. I mean, that car has a lot of good memories attached to it. We had a really good summer and that car drove us around. It was the car when we got engaged and married and I know it's silly...but is that worth $500?

well of course because the memories don't go anywhere and it's just been sitting in the parking lot all year and we've been dying to sell it, so much so we brought the price down from what it was worth ($1300) to what it's not ($600) and then when she asked if we'd take $500, just call me my dad's daughter and she'll take it. I mean, it's kind of a piece, and the funny thing is she is most concered about the discolored hood. while we raise our eyebrows at that and say no when she asks us if we want to go in on fixing it (uh, no, we're losing like $800 here....)...I guess she can deal with things like the timing belt later. On the other hand, we were expecting to have to find a way to get rid of it come April, so I guess it's perfect timing and an extra $500.

and we'll watch her leave and the wire from our just married cans will wave good bye.

And it's not the last car we'll sell or the last apartment we'll move out of and not the last favorite pair of shoes my husband won't let me wear...but that doesn't mean I won't be a little sad to see each of these things go.

so, that's a depressing post for a friday but it's off my chest now so we'll just have a great weekend. maybe i'll get lucky and kentucky will lose :)


Kristen said...

I just want to give you a hug! Your post reached out and grabbed me today. I feel like we're feeling the exact same things right now. I completely understand the feeling of waiting and waiting for things to happen, for answers to come, for a path to be made clear, just waiting for something to let you know you're doing good, you're on the right track and things will work out. It seems you should only have to go through it so many times, but life seems to think otherwise. Don't you wish there were some clear answer? Greg keeps reminding me that trials are meant to stretch us and like your hubby said you can choose to be happy even when things are rough. I hope that things fall into place soon for you. You can make it!
Also it is not silly to be sad about selling your car. We're planning on selling my Jeep at the end of the summer and I get sad just thinking about it. It's hard to let things go that have so many memories attached to them. :-)

Katya said...

i'm sorry this week has been so hard for you! i hope that everything works out, although i so know what it's like to feel like there's no way it will. you can do it though!!
with regards to your above post, congratulations on your sale :)i'm sorry you had to let it go!

Jody Lynn said...

i was also attached to my blue hyundai before we had to sell it.

and believe me, it was the hardest thing letting that car go, especially because we were replacing it with a stick shift. and i didn't know how to drive one.

so it's ok to be attached to your old car. don't worry, you'll get over it pretty quick. :)