our baby girl.

Dave and I lost our baby girl yesterday.  It has been quite a 24 hours.  We are fine, physically, but it has been an emotionally exhausting time period.  Week actually, since things kind of started on Monday. Everything came back fine and everything was fine until it wasn't.  We are glad that we got to sneak one more ultrasound in there, since that is the only way we really knew her.  We spent a long night at the hospital and are glad to be back home.  We had great nurses and doctors who were so kind to us.  

Our hearts are broken because we won't get to know our little baby in this life, but find peace in knowing we'll meet her someday because we are a forever family. We are so grateful for that knowledge.  It helps, but even in this short time, it still hits us sometimes (or once an hour?) with such a force I am not sure how we will ever be ok

What happened was quite a rare thing to happen at 20 weeks and was kind of a big, sucky fluke.  Our baby was so perfect looking and it was so hard to say goodbye. But we have felt such love from our family and friends and are so grateful for the love you have shown us!

Quite the turnaround from a 20 week baby bump picture, I know.  I feel like this is the next thing in a string of tragedies that have affected people I love. (I'm calling it the Bowen 11 curse and I hope it stops with me!)


28 comments:

Kiana McAllister said...

Amanda, I am so sorry. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your little family. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.

Karen said...

Dear Amanda,

I just want you to know that I am sobbing as I read this and just in disbelief. I am so sorry that this happened. I don't know what I can do but if there is anything please let me know. I love you so much and will keep you in my prayers.

Jenna & Joey said...

my heart is broken for you! I am so sorry, after working on the Labor and Delivery floor at the hospital, That was the one thing a could NOT get used to, and it affected me every day. I am so sorry, but the knowledge we have of the afterlife truly is amazing isn't it? Thats the one thing I wish I could have shared to confort the women I worked with at the hospital.

Morgan and Holly said...

Amanda! I am so sorry for your loss
:( Thank goodness for the gospel to help during tough times like this. I'm praying for you and Dave! Let me know if I can do anything for you at all!

Mino sy Liva said...

First, sorry if I can't say things properly since my English is not really good yet. I just want to say that I'm totally with you. Your experience kind of brings me back to old personal memories a few months after our marriage. It reminds me of two other faithful couples, friends of ours that went through the same situation. The testimony you have of the restored gospel eternal principles does help and does bring peace and comfort. There will still be times you'll feel something aching inside your heart, and sometimes a few tears in your eyes but that's how we all grow and learn and get stronger. You're right, she's yours forever. You've been blessed with such a pure and special spirit that she only needed a body and then went back home. You're a mother Amanda. Actually, I'm sorry, you are parents. I love you. We love you gorgeous young lady. Mino (and Liva)

kt said...

Much love to you from California. You and Dave are in our prayers.

Lacey Parr said...

I know a comment on a blog does little to ease pain, but I am so sorry! Remember we are just a few steps away if you need anything at all.

Jody Lynn said...

I'm so sorry Amanda. I'm praying for you and Dave. Let me know if you need anything.

Connie said...

So sorry Amanda and Dave. You seem in good spirits, considering. Thank goodness for our knowledge of Heavenly Fathers plan. We love you and have been thinking about you with tears all day. Take it easy.

kylie said...

i'm praying for you and dave.

Danielle said...

I love you! You and Dave will be in our prayers. The gospel is so beautiful.

Kristen said...

Oh Amanda. I'm so sorry. Word's can't express how sorry I am for your loss. I'll be praying for you and Dave. Call if I can help in any way.

Kara Lyn said...

Amanda, this is very sad for you and Dave. If you need anything, ie to get out of town or something, let me know. I miss seeing your beautiful face.

Sara said...

I am so sorry. So hard to go through a loss at the beginning of being parents. You and Dave will be in my prayers and I hope you're able to recover physically and be comforted emotionally and spiritually.

Debbie Barr said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My sister lost a baby last Christmas, and though it was a terrible loss for their family, they too were able to take comfort in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My prayers will be with you and your husband.

Skye said...

Oh Amanda, this is Skye, Megan's sister. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I can't imagine what you must be going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Chris said...

Dave and Amanda, I am so sorry to hear about this loss. Kristin and I experienced it, but after six weeks. I can't imagine how hard it would be after 20. We're here for you. I mean this sincerely: let us know how we can help. Love you guys.

Mark Hunsaker said...

Sorry to hear this news. Always in my prayers.

Heidi said...

When my mom told me this morning, I started crying. It's so not fair, and I am soooo sorry for you and Dave. I can't imagine how that must feel. I have been thinking about you all day. I love you both and I will remember you in my prayers. I hope your doing okay. We're here in you need anything!

Shanna Selin said...

I've been getting tears in my eyes the past few days every time I think about this. I'm so sad for you guys. We've been keeping you in our prayers. Even Calvin has. We love you guys.

Bruce said...

I wish I could give you both a big hug. We're thinking of you.

Laura said...

We love you and are praying for you both! Please let us know if you need anything at all!!

Jesse said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this tough time.

Aaron P said...

Oh Amanda, I am so so sorry. My heart just breaks for you and Dave. How about we just cry and cry together in a couple weeks? You'll be in our prayers. Love you.

Suzy said...

Oh my goodness. Amanda & Dave, my prayers will be a little more heartfelt tonight. Please know that my heart is aching for you (and tears streaming down my face) & your little one. I wish I could take some of the burden.

Amy and Mark said...

Amanda and Dave- I can only imagine what you're going through. I can't say sorry enough and I'm just so sick about it. BUT you WILL get pregnant again SOON and thank goodness for the Gospel! You are strong, remember that. You guys are in our prayers! Love you!

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even comprehend how it must feel right now. But I'm glad you have an eternal perspective! If you need anything at all, let me know.

Alena said...

My heart broke just reading this. I know we're not too close but know that my prayers and heart are with you.