behind-the-scenes, if you will.

I have 999 posts.  This is technically my 1000 post, but I'm going to go through my drafts (44 of them, mostly empty, I'm sure) and delete them. I've deleted drafts before but these 44 got left behind somehow. However, some of them are things I am not sure why I never finished writing about. Cause you know, they are clearly excellent pieces of writing. Here is a behind-the-scenes, if you will. [with 2012 notes]. enjoy!

2/08

Then we had to hand staple (well, put under the automatic stapler) 455 tests because someone forgot to tell the printer to do it for us. Goodie.

[this was a work rant (good old copy shop), which is fun because I remember doing this with Dave.  cute]

2/23/10

i can't believe it's twelve. i know that's when i went to bed when i was single and crazy, but now i live a more sheltered life. i am going to die tomorrow. fall over and die. at least fall asleep in a class. or i won't, since they are the desk chairs. oi.

5/13/10

yes, everyday dave tells me I think too much:

These are thoughts I've had over the last week or so that I'm trying to put down in a sensible manner. They may not make sense but hopefully someone understands what I'm talking about.  It's a little vague, as I don't mean to offend or label anything. So, there you go. Over the past few weeks as I've been at the internship and especially these last few days as I've asked others where they got their degrees or why and would they recommend it...I've thought a lot (more) about what I want to do when I grow up. And I mean, I'm already a little grown up, but I still have a lot of deciding to do. Well, we do, rather.

Come January, I will probably just find a job. Since Dave graduates in August [haha, right], I don't plan on starting a second degree until we figure out where we're going. The other issue is I don't really know what degree I'd even do.  My thoughts range from an MPH to MPA to a lofty MPH/JD (haha, right) or an MBA (haha, remember that C I got in accounting 200?) to a nursing degree. Oh, or a masters in communication. I'm really liking that as well. The MPH or nursing make the most sense, and are probably most aligned with what I want to do. Oh, what do I want to do?

Half the time, I have no idea. I guess it comes down to the fact that I can't decide where I want my influence to be. (how weird does that sound?) But it's true. I can't figure out if I want to be a nurse, a program director, a policy maker, a....whatever. I can't decide. There are so many good things to do and so many good ways to do them. I cannot make up my mind. And I thought I had a clear path when I picked a major. But public health is so broad that you have to then decide where you want to take that.  And I know you don't have to do it all at once, but I need a plan, you know?

Then, I take a step back. This is what happened this week. Not just deep down I know that I want to be a mom and raise a good family. But I still know you can do that and a lot of other things. So when I talk about other degrees or future jobs, those all work around a family.  But on the other hand, I realize that I don't necessarily have to feel the need (make sense?) to do anything else.

So the inspiration I've come to this week is where do I want my influence to be? What kind of success do I want? Talking with Dave put some things in perspective. I'm often focused on wordly success. And nothing is wrong with trying to fix the world. But there are other kinds of successes, and maybe those matter more in the long run. Plus, as Dave said, I'm trying to find successes that don't come until a lifetime of work. And one more thing--while I like learning, I don't really like school anymore. I mean, after 15+ years, I think I can be done with school. But maybe I'd feel left behind if I wasn't a "master" at something...you know?

So basically, that's what I've been pondering about. It's not that I just want to say "well, everyone else can worry about fixing the world because I'm just going to live my life and raise a family and fix things there"....but in a sense....

It's just that I know what really can change a person, and maybe my goal in life will be to use my skills and future family to share that. 

And I'll take things as they come, I suppose. I believe that things happen for a reason. I absolutely do. So I know there is a plan for us, and in time and with effort, we'll know what to do. For some reason, the things like a major/career/passion decisions don't come as easily to me as others.

Meh, I don't know.


5/20/10

you know how preferences tend to change as you get older?  (or do they? maybe I'm making that up.) I have always preferred vanilla to chocolate....but it seems recently that...

 [I never finished what I can only assume was an ode to chocolate.  fascinating]

6/1/10

happy june! it's birthday month which means plans for my awesome birthday party can legitimately be made. too bad most of my friends are not here, but I know at least three people will come (that's you guys, emily)

Dave as the third person, of course. It's nice to be married. You have a guaranteed attender to your parties.

Although, if only three people come it's not that bad: less guilt if it turns out to be a bust and more mocktails for me :)

6/4/10

 

it's not the greatest picture, but the other day Ali Vincent was at a hospital in our chapter so we went over there to see her for a few minutes. [hopefully some people know who that is!  she was the first woman to win biggest loser. yes, I'm famous now.]

7/29/10


do you ever start listening to a song and wish you were alone in a room so you could totally rock out?

8/5/10

The last few days of my internship were shorter days, which was nice because it gave me some extra time to pack, do homework and take naps.  We're taking a evening train to richmond tomorrow...and it's crazy.  Today is our last full day in DC.  It's kind of sad, but on the other hand, we're excited to head back west.  This week has been so weird anyway; it'll be nice to be more permanent. Three out of four suitcases are packed and we have almost eaten all our food.

[sad. i hated leaving that place. miss it all the time.]

9/12/10

a blank post simply entitled: "one weeeeeeeeek"

[no idea.]

9/15/10

This is one of those times where I am the picture of a new bride and we may have to throw away the dinner that I made (late) because I wanted to try a recipe and I got everything for it and it sounds/smells delicious. oops. I think it's because I used partially frozen chicken and that never works. I should know that. Bleh. The chicken, having been in the oven for over an hour, is still slightly pink. I can't tell if that is from the sauce or if it is...

[i believe i was making orange chicken in the oven which i have never tried to make again since]
9/27/10
the backup plan
the last song
the bounty hunter

[i was probably going to review these movies.  here you go: suuuucked; predictable; worth a watch.  you're welcome]

1/5/11

I am convinced that no first day of anything major is free from some kind of disaster. It may not be disaster like your skirt was tucked into to your waistband or anything (which, amazing enough, has yet to happen)...but there is always something.

On the first day of our summer internships/jobs, Emily and I took the wrong line, went a stop too far and had to go back and forth on the metro 24 times. Luckily we left really early.

On Monday, I left early enough that the GPS said I would arrive at 9:53. A little too early for my taste. We needed gas and live quite close to a gas station and it was on the way. I decide to get gas. I turn onto the street and switch lanes. I didn't see the huge chunk of ice until it was too late to switch.

Ok, I did see it and I could have switched but I thought "our car can clear that"...

I must have been confusing our tiny subaru with a much larger car. Any other car, actually.

I hear a horrible clunk as I run over the ice. Oops. Oh well, the car still works. Then, as I'm approaching the light, I hear another loud clunking noise and check my rear-view mirror and find myself driving away from a piece of our car.

[which i later, after struggling internally for a few minutes, ran out into the road to get. and I think it's still in the back seat.]

2/24/11

(I brainstormed this post awhile ago and when I read Katie's recent post, not only did it resonate with my soul, but I remembered this idea)

As we approach our two year anniversary, I realize that we should be past the burnt cooking and Awful Meals That Husbands Eat Out Of Love (or hunger)...but sometimes, we are not, and it is frustrating.

I didn't expect to become a brilliant chef-wife over night (or in a year), but I also do not attempt to cook/bake the impossible, either. I always have a recipe to follow and it irks me to no end when yet again, something did not turn out. I feel a strange disappointment at not being able to make something by following precise directions. Especially since I'm a wife and all, that is sort of my job.

I don't mind making the food and Dave does not mind eating the food. What is the problem?

The other day I tried a new recipe for enchiladas. They were not that good. I mean, they were edible, sure, but not that great.

When that happens, I question Dave continuously as to whether he likes it and why not. When he doesn't really like it or would prefer a more traditional method of cooking, I get defensive of my recipe choice...and this time Dave asked

"well do you like it?"

And of course I do, because I made it. (not really). And when I made lasagna with ricotta cheese, we weren't fans, but hello! It was homemade lasagna, right? How bad could it be?

So our dinners are full of "now I knows"

[katie, that post makes me laugh still]

2/28/11

how much dave likes concerts 
 
amanda "I think you'd like Muse in concert"

dave "are they loud?"

amanda "they have a light-up piano!"

dave "your mom has a light-up piano."

ok, then.

[yep, same ol' dave]

4/11?

Can I just say that I hate paying for car repairs? I mean, in general, I hate paying for anything (except good food or shoes)

[truer words were never spoken, my friends]

4/21/11

tassel

and good thing Dave and I both graduate with a bachelor of science degree. because I realize the night before that tassel color may matter.

6/8/11

on hair and biking

I cut 3 inches off my hair yesterday. It hasn't been this short since 2008. (and that makes me sad, seeing as it took 3+ years to get those three inches!!). It never grew as long as I had it in high school and I'm not sure I'll ever get it that long again. I love long hair and all you can do with it, but I sure loved having short hair. I'm thinking that before the summer is over I will cut it short. It is too bad that it takes five minutes to get short hair but years to have it long again.

We rode our bikes to a park in provo canyon yesterday. It is funny to me how the way there seems so far and the way home is a lot shorter. And every single time I bike up university (a forever-long stretch of road enough uphill to make it hurt) I'm amazed.

It's all about the small triumphs, right?

6/17/11

things of no eternal consequence

but are still annoying.

1.

[i must have realized #firstworldproblems]

7/7/11

this week is kind of a sad one. some of my favorite people are moving away. one of my oldest and best friends, former roommate and the smartest girl I know, Katie is moving with her husband, Aaron, to Philadelphia. It's not like we won't be friends anymore, but it's kinda weird that she'll be so far away for so long. They had a fun barbecue last night (and I made this chicken) and it was a little sad to leave.




[here was where an ode to our bffs, the mangums, was supposed to go. i probably felt this was all too depressing and abandoned it. we still love you]

10/11? 

[new stripped hoodie that i dearly love]

11/7/11
 
 [yeah, i made a load of bowties]

 
   
so, four years later, I'm still as indecisive as ever and get in these really ridiculous situations. We haven't had any major recipe blunders lately, which helps me feel like my life is progressing.

thanks for reading my blog (and especially those who have kept with it for four years!) and commenting and referencing my blog in conversations. makes me feel like a rockstar.

5 comments:

Katya said...

you are a rockstar! these posts are really great. haha i love that you found that post amusing. also, i really like your 5/13 post. i feel like i've had the same sort of conversation with myself trying to figure out what i really want with everyone asking what i'm going to do with a phd in chemistry. be a mom with a phd. why not?

oh, and could you maybe email me that picture of us? so cute!

Jody Lynn said...

i like your 1/5/11 post. skirts tucked into waistbands, chunks of ice breaking car parts...yeah i laughed.

Emily said...

you totally are a rockstar. and i feel like i make at least one comment a day to ryan about how much i love you guys. seriously. i think he would appreciate you living closer just so he wouldn't have to hear over and over again "I wish I lived closer to Amanda..."

Suzy said...

I tried an orange chicken recipe this week and Corey LOVED it! If you want to take a whack at it again, I got it off the sister's cafe site.

Suzy said...

ps that is a lot of posts! whew!!