apartment tour

It's what you've all been waiting for...our apartment! Just kidding, but here is a little tour. We are renting a condo in the downtown but not super downtown part of portland and we are loving it so far!

Our living room/dining area. And yes, our microwave is on a bookshelf. Also, I wasn't done hanging pictures up. We seriously love these windows, which, on a sunny day, give us at least 6 hours of pure sunshine. But this day wasn't super sunny so the lighting is poor in most these pictures. 

We have lovely windows that shut with these roman-type shades. They are great, except the bedroom ones make the room really dark. Like, so dark, one time I took a morning nap after taking dave to work (at 8) and didn't wake up until...2. ah! 

Up next is a headboard project for that wall. (like this or this) Opposite is our desk and another wall that is super boring until we get some pictures up. 

and the rest is pretty standard. thanks for joining me on a tour and I'll post our projects as we finish them!

papa haydn

This last week we went to a fancy restaurant called papa haydn, which I had never heard of but perhaps is famous? Maybe on the food channel? Not sure, but it was so delicious. I want to go back for dinner sometime. 

Mine was the chocolate cake, which was a chocolate truffle cake and it was to die for. My brother-in-law got some gelato that was made from peonies. And you know, it was surprisingly really, really good. Can't wait to go back, because they have a million things to try. 

even the milk is different here

Adjusting to life here isn't bad...living with my in-laws for a week and a half didn't hurt either. For the most part, they have all the same things and we're on the same coast (speaking of coasts: this post brings me 50-80 hits a day. I must have used some great SEO terms or something. Or used a really popular picture from google image search) so thing aren't that different. But there are a few things that are interesting. For one, costo's milk! So weird, right? 

Also, I've never seen so much organic food in my life! In Provo, you had to search hard to find the organic produce. Here, it's the opposite. And since I am almost completely neutral about organic food (all food is organic, hello (and yes, I know what "organic" food means.)...and I do buy it sometimes. It just depends), it's just funny! And you get paper bags as the default and other things. I mean, it is Portland, right? The good news is we live really close to a trader joe's. I have missed that place, since we shopped there almost exclusively for a whole summer. yummy. 

We think this apartment is the same-ish size as our last one but with a little less storage space. As a result, we are happily going through our things to get rid of things. I'm a sentimental and emotional type person (read: i keep things that no one keeps), but as I get older I'm also becoming increasingly simplistic. So, there is a sort of a weird balance of keeping things and not keeping things. (oops, we just bought more hangers)

I think that if you don't use it regularly, you shouldn't have it. My new best friend = our scanner. You don't use all your stuff all at once, I know...so we're just trying to figure out what things make sense to keep under the bed and in our little storage unit for months and months without using. Because if you don't use it for that long, you probably don't need it.  

ANYWAYS. Whilst digging though things, I found my 2002 SLC olympic pins. Man, I loved these things. I loved the olympics in Salt Lake (I first typed "here") Guys, I'm so excited for the summer ones...the commercials give me goosebumps and that mom one totally made me cry. 

So aren't my pins so cool? I am hanging onto them for now, but am not sure what to do with them. They aren't anything I want to display, according to my logic, I don't really need them. Ah well. What things do you hang onto that you probably don't need to??

aimee's wedding pictures

remember how my sister got married? here are some of the pictures from her wedding. you can see more here. Their photographer, Alyssa, is one of my best friends and I think her pictures are wonderful. 

 I gave a little speech at their lunch. It was kind of intimidating, but colby's brother warmed them up and so I just had to crack a few jokes, tell some stories and give some advice and I considered it my big break into standup/comedy. And you know, it wasn't actually that intimidating because half of the people were family and sunday school teaching made me a pro at public speaking. 

I guess Dave and I are the only ones who took her seriously when she said to squeeze together?

I totally love this picture. I've seen some similar on the web and really wanted (like it's my wedding or something?) to have one of these. haha. It's for my bridesmaid portfolio, I guess. 

vegas baby!

in other (good) news, we're headed to vegas for a few days! I don't necessarily even like vegas, but dang it, I will take a vacation where I can get it. Dave is going for business (fancy), and since we had plane ticket credit and now a free room, I'm going with.

So, vegas goers, what should I/we do? I'll have like 4 days alone (yes! more alone time!) but hope pool lounging and other fun things (roller coasters!!) with help ease the loneliness. But we'll have nights out on the town, of course.

what should we do??


Our internet was hooked up yesterday...happy day!

So we're getting settled and just have a few more finishing touches and then I think it will just a few weeks for this apartment to feel like home. I mean, we live here now and I know that...but since it's new it still feels new. It's familiar but not habitual. But I'll post some pictures soon. 

One downside of getting settled is what it leaves for me. I know there are worse situations to be in, but man, I feel like I can't catch a break! I am always, always left in this situation. Home, by myself, with no real direction in my life except just waiting for the future. I'm glad that we're here and Dave has a real job now and that part is taken care of...and while our future is of course intertwined, we also have our separate directions. And my life is just moving because the days move. 

And I hate it! I hate that I'm here again. I hate that I'm here because I was sure I would be somewhere else. I was halfway to somewhere else. Like, it was a sure thing. And then it wasn't anymore. And now I'm just here. And it's getting to the time where everyone who was due around the same time as me is having their babies. And we're happy for them and would never begrudge them for having a baby, of course not. But it just makes it so much more ever-present in my mind, more than it already is! And it's better than it was, but now everyone is having their babies and I just think how we'd be having a baby now too. This week would be 39 weeks. Which means we would have been having a baby any time now. And I'm hoping when 40 weeks rolls around that will give me a sense of closure and finality. Like, we made it as far as it would have gone (approximately). 

I'm hoping reaching 40 weeks will make each week better, because we don't have a baby to now count the days from. Which is a problem in and of itself but...different? But I'm sure it will still be similar. Like I thought we'd have a baby for mother's day and father's day. And now I'm just looking forward to ignoring it (but how can you ignore it?) for the awkward and painful reminder it is. So instead of being like "oh, I would be 38 weeks pregnant for this", it will be like "shoot, I thought I was getting a baby for my birthday." Gosh, I hope this ends someday. 

Some days in the last two weeks have been really hard. The nights I was alone didn't help at all, but I think all the changes going on made it a little extra worse. But that happens. You're "fine" and whatever, but some moments you aren't. Sometimes you dream about babies and wake up feeling terribly sad and empty. Or you see the most perfect baby at church and feel like you're going to die again. I have made it past the bitterness and the anger, sure, but that doesn't take the sadness away that creeps back in. And all you can do is cling to the knowledge that things will be okay. That blessings and babies and love and peace will come. 

So I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with myself for the next little while. I don't want to settle for a job that I don't like, because that never made anyone happy. And I'm glad that I'm in a situation where I don't have to. But I don't want to sit here forever either. I'm thinking about going back to school...but for what? Not sure. Another thing I'm struggling with is I feel like I'm not very good at working hard. I mean, sure, I went to college and got a degree. And I did take 18 credit semesters and did all my homework and whatever. But after I didn't get into the nursing program, I feel like I picked an easier major because...it was easier. And now I'm almost disgusted at myself for it. I thought about a lot of majors but didn't go with them because they had too much chemistry or too much math or whatever...I mean, who does that? I did enjoy my major and feel like it has a lot of benefit in my life (not my professional life, though...?) but I wish I would have set a higher bar for myself. So perhaps now I will try to think of what I want to do...and then qualify for myself for it. Science and math and hours and all. Even if it's hard.

Because frankly, what else do I have to do? Because for once in my life (dramatic) I would like to feel like I'm fighting for something and feel like I am winning. 

I also feel like I'm fighting for something else, but I almost feel like I've bowed out, somewhat graciously or maybe not at all, of it. I didn't know I would have to fight so hard for this, but what can you do? Fighting for it almost never helps, so what is the point? I will just have to concede to the timing of my life and hope that years and years from now, it won't hurt as much. 

And end the dramatics. whew. 

Under construction

Greetings from portland! I have learned that my hips are out of shape (is that a thing?) or at least my city-walking hips are. Or I am, which is definitely a possibility as exercise kind of dropped off the schedule the last week or so. I did walked a few miles yesterday and, unfortunately, we live on a rather steepish hill so I was pooped by the time I got home and had to take a nap. Also, we get up early now like grown ups and that makes me tired too. Ooh boy. I know, pathetic. Oh well, we are having fun (sort of) adjusting to all these changes. Dave likes his job so far but there isn't that much to it yet, so it's still just new.

We have had rainy weather (of course) but also some beautiful sun as well. It stays lighter long here (the theory is we are on the edge of a time zone?) and I like it! I also have discovered that so far, Oregon cold is Utah chilly, so it's totally doable. So far, at least.

More postings will have to wait until we get the Internet in our apartment (I can't think of everything all at once, I guess). Instead we go over to Dave's parents house to bum dinner, Internet and tools everyday since we "moved in". All our stuff is moved in and we are now trying to find our way out of it. We also have a few DIY projects lined up. So forgive the lack of excitement over here and I'll post more next week!


Thanks for all the nice comments about our new place and new phase of life! We're excited to get things rolling tomorrow! I sort of feel like I'm on a vacation because we've spent vacations at my in-laws house before. But tomorrow we'll be in our own place which is exciting. I'm sure my in-laws had enough of our stuff (and us) all over. (I took it out of the car so it wouldn't get broken into in downtown Portland, naturally) We are really grateful for them letting us stay with them and especially for Dave's mom who went with me to all the apartments I looked at and was my navigator (along with google maps).

I will definitely post some pictures of our new place and am excited to move in (sort of) and do some exploring this week.

random things from this week/target is a good place for me to when I have hours to kill

This last week consisted of a lot of apartment hunting, google mapping, craigslisting (just making up verbs all over), tv watching, and, my favorite, shopping at target. I think I went like..3 or 4 times. A time or two out of boredom or time-wasting (while waiting for something) and a few out of having an actual purpose. I bought some of these baskets for our closet and pulled them off the shelf and found this bounty inside. I guess someone was stashing their easter candy and then forgot?

I went to my brother-in-law's track meet on friday (I got there waaay before he vaulted...and luckily there was a target 5 minutes away). It was chilly but pretty cool to watch the vaulting.

Afterwords we got some deeelicious fast food, crashed on the couch and watched some tv. 

then, I got the best house warming gift: cute little henry in his tie onesie. (cropping on my phone leads to crashing for some weird reason these days) I'm dying to meet this kid.

new adventures

Well, what do you know? I'm picking up the keys to our new apartment today. We are really excited for this place (hopefully after dave sees it he'll still be excited). It's in a great location, it's got everything we wanted that matters.

You guys. It has a DISHWASHER. a WASHER/DRYER. I'm still in shock a little bit. Dave's work is walkable, bikable, drivable and busable from it too. And we have our own parking spot. It isn't downtown downtown Portland, but still in the metro area. So I'm planning on us being happy here for a long time and it worked out really well to have it be available right when we need it!

Dave is driving up with all our stuff tomorrow and I'm so excited. At times I am reminded how much I like being married. Being a bachelorette for a week is one of those times. For the first few days, Dave's family was all here too, but everyone except his little brother has gone to Boston. So I'm just chilling here in a big house all by ma self for most of the day. Which, let's remember, I'm a pro at being by myself but I'm grateful for all the time Dave and I do get to spend together when we are in the same state. I'm really excited for him to get back here.

My in-laws have great food and accommodations here, so I'm not really complaining that much. They also have ondemand which means I've been catching up on all the shows I'm behind on. So yeah, not really that bad of a deal. Just wanting dave here to bum it next to me!

Let's see...Dave starts his new job on Monday. Hopefully by next weekend we'll be mostly settled and able to explore the city. Also, moving is kind of a pain.

But it's here! Our grownup life starts on Monday.

Last night I was sitting on my bed and thinking how, yeah, this is not what I had planned for my life at this point, but what can I do?

After living in washington dc I knew that I'd love to live in a big city again. Dave hates cities and so it wasn't likely that would really happen. Even though his job is in downtown portland, we didn't start looking downtown for apartments until two weeks ago or so. Like I said earlier, the apartment I found is in a nice part of the city, so Dave was a little more sold on it. The fact that he can ride his bike to work is another thing that helped him be more willing. Though, when it came down to it, I was the one left behind to find an apartment, so I guess he'd have to live wherever I picked! So that is a cool part of life right now, even if the rest isn't what I had hoped it would be.

Dave has a job, we have an apartment, and that is a good place to start figuring out the rest.


photo session.

so sad to say a longer goodbye to this little guy...how else would I have 10 pictures of each pose on my phone? What a cutie. I especially love the top right. so thoughtful and it's like he's already a pro at social networking photos. 

he said that he loved me and gave me a big squeeze. I can't think about it anymore. 

kristy & josh

here are some pictures from the wedding. it was a beautiful, sunny portland day. 

married!; what a great group of siblings!; temple; amazing bouquet

cake; the house as a reception center (it looked great!); cutting the cake; some extra cakes I made (details to follow)

more flowers because they were so amazing. 


We made it to portland! We had a fun weekend with Dave's family for his sister's wedding...then Dave flew back to utah today. Which means I start officially apartment hunting tomorrow. That means we are in the final stages before our new live starts, which is crazy.

Monday was my first day of unemployment but the days before we left were super busy, I didn't really notice that except it was nice not to have to check in or worry about it. Then we drove forrrrever to portland and got in really late and then the next day we were running errands and working on thesis and baking cakes and such.

Then I realized later that day that I kind of feel like I have nothing I am tied to. I have no job, no school, no house, and very vague future (at least for the next week). And well, if you really want to get into it, no baby either. It's kind of depressing. I just feel like I'm floating. But of course, in two weeks we should be settled and have a few more things figured out. I'm hoping we'll know by this week where we're living, even if we can't move there for another week or so. Then I can just not worry about it...maybe I'll just explore downtown portland, which scares me a little bit! I mean, I walked and worked in downtown DC by myself just fine and I loved it. I guess it's just that portland is so unfamiliar and everything changing all at once is a little scary to me.

Sometimes, even though things are better, I'm not sure what is holding me together. And then I realize that it's the love from the Savior and the hope of eternal and better things. And Easter, though surrounded by a crazy time for us, was a time for me to reflect on how, more than I ever thought, I am grateful for our Savior and for His atonement and resurrection because, not only do I feel like that is what is holding my life together now, it's holding my life together for eternity. I feel His love and peace and I am so grateful for it. I have felt the power of the atonement cleanse my soul of despair, bitterness and sorrow. And even when it is still sad, I still know that I will be okay because I can alway receive that peace and love. And I know we all can!

Happy Easter!  

on changes & good news

Sorry for all the posts at once. I should have timed them out over the week but oh well.

This week has been full of goodbyes (and eating at some great places before we leave: goodwood, slab, which wich, mountain west burrito). And I'm sad there are still more ahead. We will miss all our friends and family but don't worry, we'll be back.

It's still weird that we are moving! This week it seems more real but still hasn't hit me, I don't think. Our apartment is in shambles but I think most everything is packed and ready to go. I'm excited to move on but it's bittersweet. I've lived in utah county my whole life and dave and I have been in provo for a long time! We've been students for a long time! And I don't know what it's like to not have one of us in school. I think it will be awesome, but it's still a little scary. It's weird to think that in a few weeks we'll be settled in a new life somewhere.

In other news, Dave defended his thesis today! And he passed! I'm so proud of all the work he's done over the last few years, and especially in the last few months. And I know sometimes it was so boring and so much to do, especially having to do it in the middle of grief and other things. While writing a thesis and working and doing research he was always there for me and we were still able to do fun things. Also, we fell into a terrible habit of staying up too late and somehow he still got everything done.

So, you may call him master dave from now on.


this week we've had the unfortunate task of saying goodbye to our friends. I'm glad it's not a permanent goodbye, but it's still a bummer as we will miss them dearly. here's a smattering of photos. I don't think any of them have lighting worth bragging about, but oh well! instagram erases most of it :) 

our nice self-timed shot

oh boy, I will miss this little boy. the sweetest. I almost just took him home with me and instead probably smothered him with hugs. 

another birthday girl!

We've attended a lot of parties lately, and it's great! My fabulous cousin Heidi had a birthday last week and her husband threw a great surprise party! 

look at that bow! (I did not make it!)

birthday girl!

last week was our friend holly's birthday! we have a dinner group once a week and it fell on her birthday. I made her this chocolate cake with this frosting (not as strong as I was hoping, but I messed up the caramel!) (and it was great with graham crackers the next day). 

I sewed a little banner and swirled a spoon around the frosting. I've been wanting to try it for awhile. 

Mel's cake, of course, never disappoints! 

and we're glad to have such a great friend as holly!