everyone says this love will change you-

For the last few months I've been wanting to write all these essay posts on motherhood and babies and all of those things. But I feel like it's all been said on other blogs that I love to read, so what would I say?

I remember before Sam was born I was really wondering what you do with a baby all day. And although I'm not to the stage yet where sam is mobile or even awake more than an hour and a half at a time, luckily it isn't as bad as I thought it might be. By the time he eats and I change him, we have about an hour or less before he goes to sleep again. He is still pretty content to just lay on your lap and listen to ridiculous noises and songs and the same little phrases over and over again in a weird baby voice. (also, times like these I'm glad I'm home alone?). Sometimes I read him dr. seuss books and he seems to like that, but who knows? Sometimes he "plays" with the play gym while I do other things. I wondered how you were supposed to know when your baby is tired and when you put them down for a nap, but it turns out it pretty obvious when they start to get tired.

We try not to worry too much about if we're doing it "right" and just do what seems to work best, whether it's feeding or napping or playing. I still check his chest to make sure he's breathing and sometimes when we go to sleep and he's been asleep for awhile and is quiet, I always ask Dave if he thinks Sam is okay. (and he always is.)

Sam is a good eater and a pretty good sleeper (though we are super excited for 12 hour nights), and we feel blessed to have such a sweet-tempered baby. I'm sure that has made all the difference in our transition into parenthood. I also wondered before he was born how it would feel to have a baby stuck in the middle of our lives. But it turns out, we like it and it doesn't really change things too much. Or, at least when he's very portable and usually quiet. But he's just there and we love it. Putting him in the car and making sure we have extra diapers and onesies is just a part of our lives now. I even wondered if I'd ever forget he was in the car when I went somewhere by myself, but lucky for me, I haven't even come close to forgetting (thank goodness, right?), and planning errands around how I will be carrying/strolling/holding a baby is just the thing I do these days.

Sometimes people talk about an overwhelming love they feel for their baby when he's put on their chest or they hold him for the first time...and Dave and I both have mentioned that we never really felt that. (I felt overwhelmed alright, but for a lot of other reasons...) He was just our little cute baby and we loved him and having him in our lives. Not to say meeting him wasn't a sweet experience, but it just wasn't as big and dramatic as people say sometimes. I think we were just ready and already had a little bit of experience in what it's like to have that kind of love in our life.

The first week and half of having him home was so great. Dave was home and we just hung out all day. I got really sad (and often weepy) thinking about Dave returning to work. What was I going to do all day by myself? And who wants to change that many diapers? But he went back and we survived. And when I say we survived, I mean we did just fine resting on the couch catching up on downton abbey and sleep. Oh, I loved those first few weeks because they were so slow and sweet.

And then I recovered and my motivation to do things slowly returned. We ran errands, we walked around the city and I had lists of things to do. Just enough to feel like I was never done with things to do, but not so much that I felt that I never had any time. He slept so much that I had at least 4-5 hours to do things I wanted during the day, so I felt I wasn't losing myself or my life in having to care for him all the time. Not that that is a bad thing necessarily, but I didn't want to be completely overtaken by motherhood. And now I don't think I have quite as much time, but time enough. And some afternoons still consist of me holding him for a nap because he'll only be this little once.

And time goes on and he's getting more fun to play with and gives us huge smiles and little coos and we love it. He's almost three months and almost no longer a newborn, which is a little sad to me. But time has gone slowly enough that I really have felt able to enjoy all the time in between.

And so those are my current thoughts on motherhood. I'm loving it and am grateful that it has been a mostly easy transition. Everyone has different experiences and children and their own unique view of motherhood. This is mine, and really, with this cute baby, I'm not sure how it would be any better! He's a lover.

 -well I ask, "isn't that what love's supposed to do?"

same changes, the weepies


Sara said...

I'm glad it's been a good transition for you :) He sure is a cute baby!

Kristen said...

Thanks for sharing and hurray for motherhood! Reading this made me miss those first couple quiet cuddly months with William....